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Today Was Not a Good Day – #Alzheimers #Dementia

Today Was Not a Good Day – #Alzheimers #Dementia

Caring for someone with dementia is challenging at the best of times, but today was particularly hard. Every evening, I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and stress, riddled with the constant worry of not knowing if my mother will wake up the next day. It’s a relentless, heightened state of anxiety, and my heart goes out to anyone else caring for a loved one with this condition.

So, today started like any other in terms of caring for someone with dementia. My mother was sleeping and would not wake up when the carer arrived, so they asked for my assistance this morning. I don’t usually help, but my mother was particularly difficult today. After a lot of back-and-forth, we managed to get her sitting up in bed, only for her to start throwing a tantrum at the carer.

This was the first time I saw it this bad and knew that dementia was finally taking a horrible toll on her. She kept shouting, “no one understands me,” which, in hindsight, is true—it is very difficult to understand someone when their brain functions are affected by dementia. She then proceeded to kick her slippers out of the carer’s hands and started to swear at her.

This continued for about 30 minutes, including in the shower, and she would not comply with anything the carer was asking her. She was shouting and swearing at the carer and also at me, which led me to intervene and ask her to calm down. This really broke my heart this morning; if you knew my mother, you’d know she is the sweetest and kindest person you would ever meet.

This is why I said today was a particularly bad day, and I know deep down things will likely get worse. Today, I really did not recognise her. Personally, I never want to go through something like this, which is why I am a strong advocate for assisted suicide. If I ever develop dementia or a terminal illness, I have made it very clear that I would opt for assisted suicide. I would never want to live the way my mother does, as it would require placing immense trust in everyone around me to keep me safe.

My mother is a shell of her former self, and it is so upsetting watching her waste away due to this horrible illness. While writing this, I realise I need a break, but it’s not as easy as it sounds, and there are many things to organise if I do.

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