To have children or not to have children that is the question?

To have children or not to have children that is the question?

I know this post may ruffle a few feathers but it is something I have been wanting to discuss for some time now. As a man when is the right time to have a family? If you say this to some women they will say there is never a right time. This is a lie there is and there isn’t, to be honest, we as men have been always bombarded with a women’s biological clock and as men, we must cater to it!

What absolute tosh, before you get into a relationship with someone you should be discussing family from the start. If you want the relationship to be successful, you both need to be on the same page. No hidden agendas or manipulation but an open and honest conversation as to what you want out of a relationship and from the person you want one with.

After speaking to other fathers, it was evident that there was a pattern of behaviour which was in nearly all of their relationships. Soon after meeting their partners, there was talk about having kids between 6-12 months. Nearly all said they had the following conversations put to them, my biological clock is ticking and I really want children soon or the ultimatum if you don’t want children I will find someone that does.

As a man working hard and trying to build his life this can add immense pressure to an already stressed-out situation. A lot of women will plan to have children at the same time as their friends and not tell their partner this is what they are doing or why they are rushing to have children. Most men know if a child is brought into a relationship too soon it can add to financial and emotional pressure which they might not want right now. But he will feel obligated to go along with the plans through pressure or the fact he may lose the woman he is now in love with.

On the flip side of this is if a man then takes on the extra financial pressure of children he may find that he will need to work longer hours or work additional jobs. This can then lead to pressure on the relationship between partner and child. This could lead to a partner then finding someone else to spend time with because he is always at work trying to provide for the family! Also not being able to spend time with the children can also lead to guilt and frustration.

The majority of fathers I spoke to agreed that they felt pressured into having children when they did not want them but if they didn’t it would have led to the breakdown of the relationship or marriage. This should never be the case as both parties should have already discussed this at the beginning of the relationship and not at the end of one.  

Also, men need to plan and implement their own birth control and take full control of it. Not rely upon their partner to do it and maintain it. Here is an article on male birth control https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/birth-control-for-men more and more men are opting for vasectomies but this is more of a permanent fix as opposed to short-term. We do need a male pill and would welcome this but for some reason, it just can’t seem to be done quickly enough.

So, if you want or do not want children please make sure that conversation is had at the start of the relationship and not at the end. Never feel pressured into having children if you are not ready and if your partner does not understand it maybe she is not the right one for you. Communication and relationships are a two-way street, which means both parties need to be in agreeance from the start.

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