When I was young marriage was something you aspired to do with finding someone you can share your life with and grow old with. Over the last decade, it has become a circus for us men, where no matter what we do we will always lose out. The media is constantly printing how much a woman gets from there ex-husbands during a divorce or breakup. This is sending the wrong signals and impressions on marriage.
Men are scared to commit nowadays because if they are successful and get married they can potentially lose it all. This is not the main factor but one of many including they the loss of their children and home in the process. No one goes into marriage thinking about what if we get divorced but men do now as that never used to be the case. Men have become more cautious and demanding that the women they marry sign prenuptial to try to protect themselves. Unfortunately, this can only protect you so far because as soon as you have children that agreement because quite flaky within divorce courts.
I have seen some big high profile divorce court cases recently and these millionaires have lost nearly everything including half of there overall fortune. Baring in mind how long it took them to build it but all it takes is a divorce to wipe half the value of your fortune off you. I have seen that in the UK and not sure what it is like in every other country but I am sure it is similar. When it comes to marriage there are no equal opportunities at all and never will be, unfortunately.
Based on that fact this is why there is a major decline in marriages in the UK and it continues to decline. Did you know in parts of Europe there is a rumour apparently that it is easy to find a rich man in the UK to live off and have kids with! Yep, you heard it right and it’s not only Europe but other parts of the world. This is because allot of the women are pretty but also poor so they need to find a way to not only support themselves but also their families. The UK and US are the prime targets for these women who use online dating as there playground to entice men with money or who will potentially come into money.
I myself have fallen for it and quite a few men I know, there only priority is money and kids as they know that the will be supported by UK law even if they are not from the UK. The sad thing about it is that the UK law supports them and even though us men have lived here all of our lives it means nothing. So, your thinking I am with someone and I really like them should I get married to them. Well, only you can decide that as it is very hard to judge a person’s characteristics nowadays.
All I would say is look for some tell tell signs, do they have a good career? What is there background and family like? What are there friends like? Are they very money orientated? Do they pressure you into having a family shortly of meeting them? Are they secretive about there past? These are just a few examples to think about before you dive into marriage and a family. Just because they are pretty does not mean they are a good person and the same goes for the sex. Don’t get caught up with the physical side of the relationship and base your actions upon that either.
It is very sad as a man we have to be so guarded now about who we meet and what we do with them. If you get caught out like I did it will be life-changing for the wrong reasons, you have been warned. This should also not put you off either as there are some really lovely genuine women out there, unfortunately, they are very hard to find!
Guys, have you not noticed how much negativity there is being a father? If not then you need to start paying attention just because you feel like you’re in a good relationship now does not necessarily mean it will be forever. Men are really bad at multi-tasking when we have a family that seems to be our only focus to make money and look after it. You would think that should be the only thing we have to think about really when you have your own family. Wrong!
I was speaking to some good female friends who stated that every woman when they get into a relationship has a plan b should all fail. The woman wants to know that the man she is with can look after the family financially. I know right, clearly money and status seem to be more important than a loving relationship. So why do we men continue to fall for this? The main reason is we always think that a certain situation will never happen to us.
When we go to work to look after our families we think that our partner at home is doing the wife thing. We don’t expect due to the long hours we work that they could be looking for someone online to build a connection with due to the lack of attention you can physically provide due to your hours and work. I am not saying that every woman does this but a large portion do and most of there social media accounts will prove this.
The sad thing is we seem to allow these women to do it without challenging their behaviour. Women are all empowered recently to challenge a man’s behaviour, so why are we not challenging there’s? It angers me personally that these good fathers are out there working hard to provide for there families. Yet, their partner spends so much time taking selfies with the baby and posting it online like she is a single mother. You might if your lucky catch the one odd photo of the partner somewhere but not really anything to indicate they are in a relationship or married. Have you as a man ever thought that about your partner? Have you challenged the behaviour or have you put it down too that’s just how she is?
Unfortunately, this is probably part of her plan b, to give that impression should all else fail with you she has been able to market herself as a single mother! Yet, she will moan on social media as to why all these men are contacting knowing she is in a relationship or married! Remember these men on the prowl don’t know these women so they look at there social media to make a judgement if they are single or not etc. So men wake up and start taking charge of your family and situation and because you work hard and think you are in love that everything will always be ok.
The media and social media continue to bash men/dads on a daily basis and never really shows anything positive about us. We are not allowed to share a bed with our kids as we will be branded a paedophile, we can’t show affection to our kids because we will be branded a paedophile. This sickens me to my stomach every time I read an article in the media or social media about a father trying to be a father but being branded a paedophile.
We are creating broken families, where our kids don’t know what love is and how to show affection. Why because we as fathers are not allowed to show it and if we do we are branded a paedophile, so we don’t do it as it makes us uncomfortable. Social media and the media are creating an impossible job for us fathers and we need to voice our concerns instead of just sitting down and taking in all of this negativity!
As we all know dating nowadays has become increasingly frustrating. With the increase of social media usage and the boom of dating apps have we lost the good old-fashioned traditional dating? People are constantly complaining about the lack of commitment in relationships and if something goes wrong finding someone outside of the relationship to confide in is just a swipe or a click away.
So is it true that we see relationships as disposable and we don’t really have to work at them. Have you gone on a date and realised the person in front of you is either just weird or psychologically damaged? Due to the lack of suitors have you decided to take an oath of celibacy?
Well you would not be the first, people have gone to the extreme of marrying themselves (I know right). Now I am not quite at that stage myself but what I do know they days of traditional dating are officially dead. The change of the UK in Europe, cuts, Brexit, long hours at work and everything else you can through at someone. The motivation to date or stick with a relationship has diminished, no longevity with anything.
Everyone seems to have the attitude of wham bam thank you ma’am, this seems to be everything not just relationships. So how do we go back to basics and form real bonds and longer lasting relationships. I think we need to go back to basics, limit the use of technology, go out more and to change the environment we work and live. When you’re in a city everything is so fast paced and this tends to be passed down to our personal lives.
We must rush to be in a relationship, we must rush to get married, we must rush to have children or the latest one is we must all go to the gym and share loads of photos of how fit we are! The other new trend is narcissistic behaviour it’s a shame if people spent as much time working on their relationships or trying to find a decent partner, life would be so much better.
To all you singletons, put down those apps, laptops, computers and try something more traditional. Organise an event or dinner party, ask a group of singletons to go abroad on holiday or to the countryside. Think outside of the box and think traditional and non-technology related connections. I know it will be hard but isn’t that what we used to do before?
Have you given up on love?
I can honestly say as a single father myself we never give ourselves enough credit. We work extremely hard to make a better life for our kids but never really get any thanks for it. When was the last time someone brought you flowers, chocolates, aftershave or booked you a spa retreat? Why can men not receive these things because it’s not the norm? It is assumed that as a man we have to do these things for the woman which I am sure most men have done when in relationships.
So who praises you when your a single father? Probably no one, after a break up whether its a divorce or relationship split who is better off?
Unfortunately, the woman wins every time, you will lose your child, money, dignity and more than likely your possessions. By me writing this it’s not to be negative about the situation as every situation is different and may warrant a different approach. The moment either one of you decides to split and especially if one of the persons were cheating or planning to cheat. I can guarantee the situation will become hostile. Even if the man is the innocent party you will still lose out.
A woman will never understand the feeling of having your child taken away from you out of spitefulness and selfishness. Due to the courts in the UK favouring women did you know you ex-partner is allowed by law to disappear with your child and she does not have to provide you with an address as to where they are!
If you as a father want to see your child ultimately you will have to either go to court and hire a very expensive solicitor to track down your ex-partner and child. Yes, you heard me correctly you lose again and will have to pay even more money to be a father to your child. You can not get the authorities involved as it is not classified a kidnapping as the whole situation happened after a split and will be classified as a domestic incident. You as the father will be advised to seek legal advice and go to court.
Now, switch the scenario around if you as the father decided you want to look after the child and you did what your ex-partner did and disappeared with the child. Yes, you’re right you as the father of the child would be hunted down by the authorities like a fugitive from the law automatically favours the woman. You will more than likely get arrested and would be very lucky to not get charged with the kidnapping of your own child.
So the stress of being a single father will continue probably for the rest of your life due to the obvious imbalance of the legal system. Even if you meet another partner your ex will always pursue the imbalance of the legal system and play you like a fiddle. You will at some point in your life get referred to by your ex to the child maintenance service (debt collectors). Why do I call them debt collectors, unfortunately, that is what they are.
They are rude, condescending and unhelpful as they automatically favour the person submitting the claim and are not interested in anything you have to say. So be prepared for a long drawn-out battle and added stress when they get involved, remember they don’t care if you have access to your child or not. They are only interested in collecting money and in my eyes essentially glorified debt collectors.
So, let’s talk about solutions and not problems anymore as I think you catch my drift about what happens when you become a single father. Firstly, losing your kids and going through a breakup can become very lonely and distressing. I can make you anti-women and like you are in a dark place you can not get out of. If you feel like this please please please ask for help. Speak to your GP and see if they can refer you to a counsellor, so you can talk through how you feel and try to resolve the issues.
There are charities out there that can also support and guide you when dealing with breakups and losing your children. Do a comprehensive Google or Bing search to locate these charities. Once your head is in the right place its time to rebuild and re-invent yourself. Take time out work out your finances and how you will progress things, so a short holiday or visiting family abroad or something may help.
I cannot stress enough GET legal advice as this will be the only option for you as anything else will more than likely be seen as a criminal act in the eyes of the law. Breakups and losing access to your children can bring on depression and other mental health problems within men. So always speak to someone whether it be a family member, friend or a professional.
My last bit of advice do not rush into another relationship until you have fully resolved your last as it could make you worse. Take time out to reinvent yourself, go travelling or find some new hobbies to distract you. Once you have reached a certain level within yourself then you can explore dating again, remember there is no rush and in order to make someone happy you must make yourself happy first.
I could literally talk about this forever so if you want to have a chat with me feel free to comment on the post or send me an email.
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