Our Fatherhood is under threat!

Our Fatherhood is under threat!

by | 13 01 2019 | Blog, Families Rights

We have entered 2019 and I have been monitoring our newspapers and media sources and the story seems to still be the same. All men and fathers are perpetrators and abusers they seem to be focusing on the few and branding all men with the same brush. This narrative is a very dangerous one as the majority of men/fathers are very good and law abiding. Now if you look at demographics if there are more men than women, of course, it would seem like men are to blame for everything!

So, if the tables were turned and there were more women than men it would be exactly the same thing. What if we flipped the script and the media focused on all the bad mums, paedophile women and the women that caused domestic violence? How would the general public, courts and government agencies respond to them? Would it be unbiased or would this form of brainwashing produced by the media influence peoples decisions!

I would think the latter personally and I don’t blame women for behaving the way they do towards men as they can’t get away from it. It is literally forced down your throat as a woman on a daily basis and there is no escape from the DV and DA narrative. I am not taking anything away from the genuine cases at all but not EVERY single man is the same. Even as a woman you are not immune from it as if you have any boys within your family they will be tarnished with the same brush. It might be fine while they are babies and early teens but as soon as they come of age the rules will change.

As a mother you can say all day long I will bring up my son to be different he will not get involved with all the things that the media print. Unfortunately, it does not work like that as you have a son that is all that is needed for him to be tarnished with the same brush. He could be an excellent child and a very good man but at the end of the day, he is still a man. If you don’t believe me read the stories of fathers in family court, monitor the media and see how many stories are focused on men causing DV/DA and how many stories are on women causing DV/DA.

You will see practically none on women and this is for many reasons there is a myth around men not being capable of being in a relationship with DV/DA committed by a woman. If it is a man he will be embarrassed to come forward because of the stigma surrounding it and 9 times out of 10 he will probably be arrested himself for reporting. As it is not the norm for a man to report DV/DA to the police so it is easier to arrest him as the perpetrator and deal with the consequences later. The lack of support and safe havens for men is practically non-existent, so it will, in turn, be under-reported.

Trying to be a father over the last 10 years has gone from bad to worse and if you are a dad in a happy relationship you are still not immune to it. If anything should happen and hopefully it will never happen to you, but if it did you will see how the society you believed to be equal is far from it and your world will be turned upside down. It will be financially, emotionally and mentally put you in a place which you never thought would have been possible.

You will look back at that conversation you had with your partner/ex-partner when she said to you let’s try for a baby and build a family unit. That conversation where you thought it was all equal and you both chose to have that child means absolutely nothing if you should split up. We need to encourage fatherhood and equality to bring our society into the 21st century and remove us from this biased dark ages whereby men as only seen as breadwinners and not caregivers. If we don’t change the script fatherhood will become extinct and there will be kids running around the streets without role models and father figures to balance them out. Being a parent should consist of two loving people wanting the best and doing the best for their children whether they are together or not!

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When will fathers be allowed to be a father?

When will fathers be allowed to be a father?

by | 12 03 2018 | Blog, Life Therapist

Guys, have you not noticed how much negativity there is being a father? If not then you need to start paying attention just because you feel like you’re in a good relationship now does not necessarily mean it will be forever. Men are really bad at multi-tasking when we have a family that seems to be our only focus to make money and look after it. You would think that should be the only thing we have to think about really when you have your own family. Wrong!

I was speaking to some good female friends who stated that every woman when they get into a relationship has a plan b should all fail. The woman wants to know that the man she is with can look after the family financially. I know right, clearly money and status seem to be more important than a loving relationship. So why do we men continue to fall for this? The main reason is we always think that a certain situation will never happen to us.

When we go to work to look after our families we think that our partner at home is doing the wife thing. We don’t expect due to the long hours we work that they could be looking for someone online to build a connection with due to the lack of attention you can physically provide due to your hours and work. I am not saying that every woman does this but a large portion do and most of there social media accounts will prove this.

The sad thing is we seem to allow these women to do it without challenging their behaviour. Women are all empowered recently to challenge a man’s behaviour, so why are we not challenging there’s? It angers me personally that these good fathers are out there working hard to provide for there families. Yet, their partner spends so much time taking selfies with the baby and posting it online like she is a single mother. You might if your lucky catch the one odd photo of the partner somewhere but not really anything to indicate they are in a relationship or married. Have you as a man ever thought that about your partner? Have you challenged the behaviour or have you put it down too that’s just how she is?

Unfortunately, this is probably part of her plan b, to give that impression should all else fail with you she has been able to market herself as a single mother! Yet, she will moan on social media as to why all these men are contacting knowing she is in a relationship or married! Remember these men on the prowl don’t know these women so they look at there social media to make a judgement if they are single or not etc. So men wake up and start taking charge of your family and situation and because you work hard and think you are in love that everything will always be ok.

The media and social media continue to bash men/dads on a daily basis and never really shows anything positive about us. We are not allowed to share a bed with our kids as we will be branded a paedophile, we can’t show affection to our kids because we will be branded a paedophile. This sickens me to my stomach every time I read an article in the media or social media about a father trying to be a father but being branded a paedophile.

We are creating broken families, where our kids don’t know what love is and how to show affection. Why because we as fathers are not allowed to show it and if we do we are branded a paedophile, so we don’t do it as it makes us uncomfortable. Social media and the media are creating an impossible job for us fathers and we need to voice our concerns instead of just sitting down and taking in all of this negativity!

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