This is not a sob story or for attention, this is my reality and is the reality of many parents who are alienated or part-time. I use the term part-time because we live in a system/society that supports it and even encourages it. I can’t remember a time I was ever offered to have my child on Christmas Day, why because it’s not in the best interest of the other parent!
As long as I pay child support, pay for birthdays and Christmas its win-win for the other parent. I don’t need to be a real part of my child’s life as long as I keep the money rolling in and presents brought that is my sole purpose. Would the other parent think about my being alone at Xmas, hell no as long as they are not alone that is all that matters!
To be honest I have desensitised myself when it comes to Xmas as it is less painful and stressful. It is easier to pretend it is not happening and to rush through it to be over than to get caught up in it. Friends and family know how difficult this time of year is for me but they just don’t get it they just get upset with you because you are not as reliable or as sociable as you used to be.
When your child refers to you as him or he and not dad or daddy it is hard to hear. Then you get photos and videos of what the other parent is doing with your child and you can only sit by on the sideline and watch. It’s hard and very painful to experience and I hope and pray this never happens to you as it really does change you as a person.
I have never ever the night before Xmas prepared milk, cookies/mince pie and a carrot for Santa! I know it sounds very small but to a parent, it’s those small things that really matter. I don’t get to sit and watch Xmas movies and play games with my children. I don’t get to watch panto’s or nativity play’s of my children nor do I get invited too.
What I do look forward to is a cold empty house with no decorations, no children and watching everyone on social media and TV enjoying or pretending to enjoy Xmas. This is my reality every single year and to be honest it probably won’t change. So, excuse me if I don’t feel sociable or
A lot of you know I have been campaigning for a while for fathers & families rights. I have been waiting for a while for a reply to my last letter I sent to Robert Watling. Today I nearly fell of my chair when I received a FOI request through to my email. The letter is self-explanatory with regards to what I was trying to achieve from my questions. I myself have faced some serious issues with Parental Alienation and Child Maintenance being paid to my alienated child whom I don’t have access to not out of choice.
So please read the reply and you will be able to come to your own conclusions as to what is really happening within the Child Maintenance Services and what needs to be done to reform it. I have always believed in a fair system for all, unfortunately from what I have seen in these statistics it is far from fair!
The reason why no celebrity or government official on our father’s rights / equal rights movement is because it is not in their interest. Why do you ask? Due to the amount of money that is made from it and how many celebs and government officials have jumped on women’s rights movements they ignore the facts about men. I do believe some of them actually think we are doing this just to distract them from the women’s rights movements.
Let’s make this clear women’s rights are just as important as men’s and I believe everyone should be living an equal life. There should be no gender bias anywhere but that is just my own personal opinion unfortunately that does not make financial sense in the eyes of the government and law.
So, let’s look at some statistics and this is for the year of 2016 England & Wales by the office of national statistics –
• There were 106,959 divorces of opposite-sex couples in 2016, an increase of 5.8% compared with 2015.
• The divorce rate for opposite-sex couples was highest among men aged 45 to 49 and women in their thirties (ages 30 to 39).
Now some of you may be thinking that this is not allot in comparison to our population, just remember this is only what is officially gone through the courts. It does not account for people that are married but just separated and normal breakups are not accounted for. For me, that figure is too high and I am sure it will get higher over years to come. Why do I think it will increase, we don’t promote positive relationships and marriages. If you look at the media it’s always showing some celeb getting divorced or having a breakup with large amounts of financial settlements being discussed.
Your thinking what is this actually promoting? It is saying if you choose your man wisely it could be very profitable for you and everyone concerned, solicitors, barristers, family court, child maintenance services and every estate agents get a piece. The other key thing it promotes is parental alienation, if you as the women alienate the father you will receive more money. Do you remember the days when people used to say the more babies you have the more money you get in benefits? The same principle applies to parental alienation the law supports you alienating the father from their children which in turn allows you to claim more money!
If you did 50/50 co-parenting you would get little or nothing as a mother in terms of financial support so it would not be in the mother’s interest to do that. Yes, it is about money for a lot of women, not all but allot so that is why you will see a rise in CMS claims against fathers. It is being used as a weapon and has been for decades but CMS know if they make a fair system for all it probably will not have a business as it business model is built on fathers not having access! That is why they will always state it’s a separate issue and say if you want to see your kids you have to go to COURT! How about before you as the CMS actually contact the fathers and speak to them with respect and ask them for their side, if they do not have access to their child due to parental alienation, application denied! How about that? No, because it is not how their business model works and it would not be able to sustain itself as a business if that happened.
What about the women that serial marry rich men and divorce them for money? Nothing, technically this would be fraud but it would be difficult to prove and most men don’t even think about it. They are far too distracted with the divorce/breakup and whether or not they will ever see their kids again.
We need to change the laws and the perception of marriage/relationships for anything to really improve. Until then it will always be a money-making industry which seems to only affect the men mainly with our gender bias family court system. We ourselves as businesses need to start abiding by our own Human Rights and Equality Act laws and stop abusing and manipulating the system.
When I woke up today I was thinking about my situation and the situation of millions of men/fathers all around the world and came to this conclusion. Growing up we were conditioned to gender bias from a young age, we were conditioned to think that women are weak victims and need saving. Which is not true as we should have been taught that everyone is equal and should be treated as such.
So as men move through life we are blinded by the fact that we must do everything for our women and controlled by our sexual urges. These sexual urges make us lose all sense and distracts us from seeing what is really happening to us. We have been conditioned that men are perpetrators of everything wrong in society. If you tell someone this enough, low and behold they act upon it. Men are said to be rapists, paedophiles, cheaters, abusers and are the only ones that can commit domestic violence. To be honest, I thought this was true until it started to happen to myself and close friends, all the things I have mentioned can happen to anyone.
Unfortunately, when you look into the media’s gender bias you will find it seems to be only men that can commit such heinous acts. The biggest gender bias a man will ever face in his life is divorce court, family court and child maintenance services/support. These government organisations we devised to cripple men and bring them to the brink of no return. I never knew how these organisations worked until you get dragged into them by a bitter ex-partner and you quickly realise how bad the gender bias is.
I have had various conversations with women about children and some came out with truly shocking facts that I never ever considered. Some women will deliberately trap men for their own benefit whether for financial reward or good looking babies!!!!! Yes, you heard me right depending on their job or personal wealth it will play a major part in whether they will trap them in a child situation. They are not really interested if you are around or not provided you pay for the child they trap you with in the first place. I was shocked and could not believe someone could ever do that for personal gain only and pretend to want to be with that man, for a means to an end.
Then I looked on social media especially on Instagram and Facebook and you see all these young women with kids hanging off them like an accessory as opposed to a living person. Some even had partners but you would see like one or two photos of the partner which looking from outside in you might even think it was a friend. Are men now becoming a commodity that can be used and abused for genetics or financial gain? I was told that some women would routinely tell their partner they were on the pill so they would get pregnant just to have his child as she would not be taking the pill! Would this hold up in family court if you told the judge you were tricked into having the child? Hell no, the judge would laugh at you and say you should never have had sex in the first place if you did not want kids.
So you as the man are furious that you were tricked into having this child but there is nothing you can do legally. You ex-partner will thank you for the baby you did not want now I am going to Child Maintenance Services to screw you over financially. They will not look at the facts or anything you have to say you will automatically be pursued and you will be made to look like a criminal deadbeat dad. Is this right? Hell no, but legally you don’t have a leg to stand on unless you have strong evidence of the deception. Even then they probably won’t care and still cripple you financially so you will not win either way.
Due to us men being conditioned to think women are weak victims and need looking after we will always lose unless someone changes the system and makes it more equal. When a woman goes to court or contacts the child maintenance service that is the first thing they think. Another poor victim and a deadbeat father running away from responsibility without knowing any of the circumstances or viewing any evidence. As a father, you will always be prejudged in these types of situations and you will need overwhelming evidence to change anyone’s view on that.
Men have become less inclined to want children for this reason and we are breeding an angry gender biased generation. A man will only take note of this gender bias, only when it is too late as they will already have fallen in love and be blinded by it. All I am saying is men need to be educated from young about inequalities and be taught about how to be a good person but also know that gender bias exists.
Reform is the only way we can change things and it is down to us to make those changes as no one else will because it is too profitable for the system to remain the same! If you are in this situation reach out to a fellow man and explain your situation and you are not alone. TALK TO SOMEONE!
UN reported that so many people are living in poverty, using food banks and going homeless. What was not mentioned is services like Child Maintenance Services is also contributing to this and failing to acknowledge it. #TotalReformbit.ly/2UeVSgfpic.twitter.com/Qus6…
How do you think your family court is performing? Do you think they need to be opened up and provide better transparency? We at CCA do and so should you if you really want “what is in the best interest for your children”.Join the movement cc-alliance.org#TotalReforpic.twitter.com/t3Np…