19 May Single Fathers & Breakups
I can honestly say as a single father myself we never give ourselves enough credit. We work extremely hard to make a better life for our kids but never really get any thanks for it. When was the last time someone brought you flowers, chocolates, aftershave or booked you a spa retreat? Why can men not receive these things because it’s not the norm? It is assumed that as a man we have to do these things for the woman which I am sure most men have done when in relationships.
So who praises you when your a single father? Probably no one, after a break up whether its a divorce or relationship split who is better off?
Unfortunately, the woman wins every time, you will lose your child, money, dignity and more than likely your possessions. By me writing this it’s not to be negative about the situation as every situation is different and may warrant a different approach. The moment either one of you decides to split and especially if one of the persons were cheating or planning to cheat. I can guarantee the situation will become hostile. Even if the man is the innocent party you will still lose out.
A woman will never understand the feeling of having your child taken away from you out of spitefulness and selfishness. Due to the courts in the UK favouring women did you know you ex-partner is allowed by law to disappear with your child and she does not have to provide you with an address as to where they are!
If you as a father want to see your child ultimately you will have to either go to court and hire a very expensive solicitor to track down your ex-partner and child. Yes, you heard me correctly you lose again and will have to pay even more money to be a father to your child. You can not get the authorities involved as it is not classified a kidnapping as the whole situation happened after a split and will be classified as a domestic incident. You as the father will be advised to seek legal advice and go to court.
Now, switch the scenario around if you as the father decided you want to look after the child and you did what your ex-partner did and disappeared with the child. Yes, you’re right you as the father of the child would be hunted down by the authorities like a fugitive from the law automatically favours the woman. You will more than likely get arrested and would be very lucky to not get charged with the kidnapping of your own child.
So the stress of being a single father will continue probably for the rest of your life due to the obvious imbalance of the legal system. Even if you meet another partner your ex will always pursue the imbalance of the legal system and play you like a fiddle. You will at some point in your life get referred to by your ex to the child maintenance service (debt collectors). Why do I call them debt collectors, unfortunately, that is what they are.
They are rude, condescending and unhelpful as they automatically favour the person submitting the claim and are not interested in anything you have to say. So be prepared for a long drawn-out battle and added stress when they get involved, remember they don’t care if you have access to your child or not. They are only interested in collecting money and in my eyes essentially glorified debt collectors.
So, let’s talk about solutions and not problems anymore as I think you catch my drift about what happens when you become a single father. Firstly, losing your kids and going through a breakup can become very lonely and distressing. I can make you anti-women and like you are in a dark place you can not get out of. If you feel like this please please please ask for help. Speak to your GP and see if they can refer you to a counsellor, so you can talk through how you feel and try to resolve the issues.
There are charities out there that can also support and guide you when dealing with breakups and losing your children. Do a comprehensive Google or Bing search to locate these charities. Once your head is in the right place its time to rebuild and re-invent yourself. Take time out work out your finances and how you will progress things, so a short holiday or visiting family abroad or something may help.
I cannot stress enough GET legal advice as this will be the only option for you as anything else will more than likely be seen as a criminal act in the eyes of the law. Breakups and losing access to your children can bring on depression and other mental health problems within men. So always speak to someone whether it be a family member, friend or a professional.
My last bit of advice do not rush into another relationship until you have fully resolved your last as it could make you worse. Take time out to reinvent yourself, go travelling or find some new hobbies to distract you. Once you have reached a certain level within yourself then you can explore dating again, remember there is no rush and in order to make someone happy you must make yourself happy first.
I could literally talk about this forever so if you want to have a chat with me feel free to comment on the post or send me an email.
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