Motherlessness – Generational Trauma
This is a topic I have wanted to discuss for a long time as generational trauma impacts everyone whether it comes from a mother or father. Today I would like to focus on Motherlessness as last night I listened in to a club on Club House called something along the lines of “When will mothers be held accountable”. The name caught my attention as I love to learn new things and I am very passionate about family and its dynamics.
After entering the room, the founder/moderator was speaking so passionately about her mother and I could hear the pain in her voice. Then she mentioned that her mother was actually in the room while she was talking about her. I am not going to lie, I got really emotional listening to the stories as this hit home to me myself but for my father.
So, after the founder of the room finished speaking her mother decided to respond to her and straight away stated, we need this as this is part of the healing process. Her mother said, I am not going to make excuses for what I have done or didn’t do for you and I am here to be held accountable. I could hear the pain in her mother voice at this point and yes, I started to cry they tried to bring me up on the stage to talk but I was choked up.
I felt the pain, I felt the authenticity of the conversation and the healing that was taking place within the room. So, the founder’s mother said baby, I was 14 when I had you and I was addicted to crack and I did not have the support, guidance or tools that I have now. Then she explained that her mother was an alcoholic and in an abusive relationship, her mother was not loving or caring and was not really present with her.
She stated this is not an excuse for her behaviour or being a young mum at 14 bringing up her first child. All she wanted was someone to love her and support her by finding this in the child’s father who was also abusive and violent to her. As you can see the generational pain is being passed down from grandmother to mother to daughter. This happens more than we know or are willing to acknowledge and we must start talking about it in order to heal the new generations and hopefully put a stop to the generational pain.
Can you image me a person just listening in to the conversation crying from hearing the pain these children went through? I can only imagine how they feel living it and having to rationalise it to find a way to heal and not follow suit.
The main reason I want to blog about this is mainly for those people that deny they have generational trauma. Deniability or ignorance is not a defence to behave a certain way, your children need love, support and guidance to be able to thrive in life. If you have any trauma, please seek the professional help need to address it and put a stop to that generational trauma once and for all.
The infographic below explains it perfectly