I was laying in bed thinking about my campaigning and thought to myself, why is the government so unsupportive of equal rights. I am not talking about just fathers but families as well, why are they so opposed it. Then it dawned on me that the broken home market is very profitable for the government and because all the MP’s eat from the same bowl making changes is not an option.
Let’s put this into perspective here, since the conservatives have come into power the homes with low income are being squeezed. This has a knock on effect it will evidently lead to a family breakdown (BHS). Then through the breakdown, they throw in a few government agencies to assist with helping the family to really break down. Cut their benefits to add that bit more pressure, increase taxes and everyday living. Add more pressure to the family slowly but surely someone in that family will crack.
What the government is hoping at this point is for you to start seeking help if you have children and cannot afford to feed them then the government will step in with social services. Once SS is involved the pressure can slowly be applied over a period of time. Then due to the excess pressure, they want you to split up or get a divorce. This will then start the money being pumped into the courts, solicitor firms and government agencies. Then you find you are in a spiralling situation, Child Maintenance Services, CAFCASS and whoever else to get a slice of the pie.
This ultimately ends in broken home syndrome (BHS) whereby they hope once your kids see how is broken home works they will also follow suit. Think about it if the government takes your kids or breaks down family life they are hoping they cycle will continue with your children, so on and so forth. Generations keep the cycle going pumping money into a continuous cycle.
Your thinking well if I have no money how will they make money of me. Easy it is called debt, if you scare or bully someone enough they will find means of paying for things. Court or CMS will be the main bully tactics which people get scared and take out loans to pay for it. It is a vicious cycle they want you to be part of, your sitting there thinking how did I come to this conclusion.
Easy, write to your local MP about equal rights for your family and see if, one they reply or two ignore your letter. If they do reply, see if anything in that letter indicates actually helping you themselves or if you receive a standard robot type reply. I will guarantee that 90% of the MP’s will ignore you and if you are persistent with your letters even block you.
How often do you see in the house of commons anything about fathers rights or family rights? Me personally I have never seen anything or even any press or media coverage of the issue. Our government has no interest in promoting fathers or family rights as it would take out a large chunk or cash cow money from them.
How can you change this? Easy through voting and campaigning, if you want change then you must ask for it. When it is time for local and national elections this is the time to have a voice and demand the change we all deserve!
A lot of you know I have been campaigning for a while for fathers & families rights. I have been waiting for a while for a reply to my last letter I sent to Robert Watling. Today I nearly fell of my chair when I received a FOI request through to my email. The letter is self-explanatory with regards to what I was trying to achieve from my questions. I myself have faced some serious issues with Parental Alienation and Child Maintenance being paid to my alienated child whom I don’t have access to not out of choice.
So please read the reply and you will be able to come to your own conclusions as to what is really happening within the Child Maintenance Services and what needs to be done to reform it. I have always believed in a fair system for all, unfortunately from what I have seen in these statistics it is far from fair!
So what is parent alienation syndrome? And who does it?
Parent alienation syndrome
Parental alienation syndrome, a term coined in the id 1980’s by child psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner, occurs when one parent attempts to turn the couple’s children against the other parent. A parent who is angry at the spouse or ex-spouse accomplishes this estrangement by painting a negative picture of the other parent via deprecating comments, blame and false accusations shared with the children. They may also hoard the kids, doing all they can to thwart the other parent’s parenting time.
In my clinical practice, the mother most often has been the alienating parent, turning the children against their Dad. At the same time, I also have had multiple families in which Dad is the toxic parent, poisoning the children against their mother. In general, the alienating parent is the least emotionally healthy, and often the more wealthy (to be able to afford legal challenges).
The sad reality is that parents who poison their children’s natural affection for the other parent are doing serious, even abusive, damage. PT bloggerEdward Kruk, PhD updates the research on this important point:
“A survey taken at the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts’ annual (2014) conference reported 98% agreement “in support of the basic tenet of parental alienation: children can be manipulated by one parent to reject the other parent who does not deserve to be rejected.”
For the child, the biopsychosocial-spiritual effects of parental alienation are devastating. For both the alienated parent and child, the removal and denial of contact in the absence of neglect or abuse constitute cruel and unusual treatment. … . As a form of child maltreatment, parental alienation is a serious child protection matter as it undermines a basic principle of social justice for children: the right to know and be cared for by both of one’s parents.
An alienating parent usually shows narcissistic and also borderline tendencies.
Narcissism is selfishness on steroids. Narcissistic individuals tend to be self-absorbed. Most centrally, they show deficits in ability to listen to others’ differing perspectives. Instead they hyper-focus on what they themselves want, think, feel and believe without taking into consideration others’ desires and ideas.
A narcissistic alienating parent uses the children as weapons, pawns in his/her battle to destroy the other parent. They claim to be protecting the children against the evil other. In fact, by using the children in their perpetual fight to hurt the other parent, they show little capacity for taking into consideration what is in the best interests of the child.
Kids need both parents. They do not however benefit, and indeed are harmed, when one of their parents portrays the other in a relentlessly negative light. They do not need parents who fight their way through divorce and post-divorce. They are harmed when parents put them in the middle of their power battles. They are harmed when a parent uses them to accomplish their own angry agenda, ignoring the needs of the children.
The central element in borderline personality disorder is emotional hyper-reactivity. The excessively intense emotion often gets expressed as anger.
In addition to getting emotionally aroused too often, and too intensely, people with this disorder often have difficulty self-soothing. Their distress thus tends to be longer-lasting than the distress that most people experience. In this regard, they have deficits in emotional resilience, in the ability to recover once they have felt frustrated or disappointed. They become at risk therefore for developing a victim self-image, blaming others for whatever goes wrong—which in turn enables them to victimize others. “I’m a victim so I have a right to victimize you.”
Borderline disorders become evident in the way that an alienating parent twists reality. They offer trumped up accusations against the healthier parent, accusations that actually are projections of how they themselves are. “Your dad is selfish,” says the actual selfish parent. Or “Your mother is crazy,” says the dad who is himself emotionally unhealthy.
Alienating parents typically also engage in another quintessential borderline pattern, a habit that therapists refer to as splitting. They enlist others to join their side in fighting against the supposedly evil other, splitting the family into us against them.
Individuals with borderline personality features get mad when someone of import to them won’t give them what they want—e.g., a spouse who has decided to leave the marriage, generally because the alienating partner was not capable of healthy, loving and collaborative partnership. Their goal then becomes to destroy the other parent’s relationship with the children. They corral in the children to join them in this battle as a fighter for their side. They do all they can to deprive the other parent, their enemy, of being able to continue to be a parent.
Feeling perpetually angry at your spouse or ex-spouse? Anxious about your co-parenting relationship? Depressed about the situation?
Better check out if either of you is involved in trying to turn your children against their other parent. If so, think again.
Do you really want to cause major psychological damage to your off-spring? Change is possible. Go for it. Starting today.
One of the harshest realities of separating from a partner when you have a child together is the likelihood that you’re going to have to find a way to keep working as a partnership.
Regardless of whether custody is split 50/50 or if the child is only seeing one parent every other weekend, it is vital for the health and well-being of the children that you and your ex are able to co-parent. This may seem impossible, but remember all the times you’ve said you’ll do anything for your child? Well, this is one of those times! It doesn’t mean you have to be mates with your ex and it certainly doesn’t mean it’ll be easy, but it is completely necessary.
YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOUR FOCUS
Whenever it starts to feel as if communicating with and working with your ex is too much to be dealing with, remember why you’re doing it. Your children remain your absolute priority and the thing that’s going to get them through a separation is your love and your ability to discuss parenting calmly and rationally with your ex.
SET UP A LINE OF COMMUNICATION
How you communicate with your ex will vary depending on your circumstances. There was a period when I was forced to require my ex to communicate with me only via a specific email address I had set up for the purpose. She was told I would check it once a day. This meant I was not inundated with unpleasant messages all hours of the day and could check in when I felt up to it. It may be that something similar works for you, but anything – be it email, text, phone or face-to-face – is fine as long as the rules are clearly outlined. A schedule may also be of help so as to stop the receipt of unwanted calls or messages.
As much as there may be lots of things you’re unwilling to discuss with your ex, when it comes to co-parenting you have to be honest. If notable things happen when your child is with you (such as erratic behaviour, or perhaps them making an admission about their feelings or worries) then you have to be able to tell your ex. Parenting becomes very hard when you’re not in possession of all the facts and making that job more difficult for your ex out of spite helps absolutely no-one.
At the same time, have boundaries. When it comes to your child you must accept and require honesty and transparency, but this does not give your ex license to drag up other issues or make unrelated accusations. This is especially important when one partner has a history of manipulation or abuse. Make it clear that you’ll exit the conversations if they deviate from the subject of parenting, and do just that if they do. If a fight starts brewing, just walk away and come back when you’ve both had time to calm down.
Kids are generally at their most content when they know where they stand. If they’re able to get away with certain behaviours with one parent but not the other, that’s confusing for them. You and your ex need to agree to a set of behaviour expectations and have the strength to enforce them. If your ex fails to uphold this, then they’ll have to be challenged. It’s also possibly grounds for limiting access in the eyes of the courts. On that point…
WRITE IT ALL DOWN
One you’ve agreed upon things like contact schedules and allotted email/phone arrangements, write them down so you both have a copy. This means that should your ex try to change anything, you have documented proof of what they had previously agreed to. This sort of thing is especially important should you end up in court.
THINK ABOUT HOW YOU SAY THINGS
Barking orders and getting angry at your ex is far less likely to achieve anything than calmly explaining your thoughts and requesting their cooperation. Positive behaviour is far more likely to occur if it’s reciprocated, too. As negative as your feelings may or may not be toward your ex, treat them with respect – even if it’s feigned – and you’re more likely to get the same in return.
DON’T INTERFERE ON YOUR EX’S TIME
Try as hard as you can not to interfere when your children are with your ex. This is something I really struggled with at first, as I had legitimate concerns about what my daughter was being exposed to. But ultimately you have to accept that your children will have a relationship with your ex and that relationship will be largely independent of you. If you’re worried about negative influences then all you can do (providing your are certain of your child’s safety) is ensure that you’re teaching them what’s right when they’re with you and giving them the strength they need to cope.
DO NOT BAD MOUTH YOUR EX
Regardless of what you may be feeling, do not criticise your ex to your children. They do not need to hear it. Over time your children will form their own opinions of both of you, and the parent who offered unconditional love, understanding and decency can expect fare best in that situation.
10. EXTENDED FAMILY ACCESS
One of the logistical concerns about co-parenting is the widening of the family net, especially when new partners are introduced. Children can end up with as many as eight grandparents and who knows how many aunties and uncles, and it’s only fair that everyone gets the chance to be involved in the child’s life.
11. IT’S NOT A COMPETITION AND YOU DON’T WIN BY BEING THE ‘FUN’ PARENT
The urge to ensure that the time your kids spend with you is somehow ‘better’ than the time they spend with your ex is often very powerful, but do try to resist it. Don’t be sad if your kids have a good time with your ex – be happy. It’s a good thing. And if you do feel bad about it, the best thing you can do is to make sure they also have a good time with you. No-one wins in the race to be the ‘fun’ parent, however. Fun and discipline need to be a part of both families, and no-one should be allowed to permit guilt to eradicate responsibility. Again, children need to understand boundaries and know where they stand.
12. ACCEPT THAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR EX
It may well be the case that your ex will have some sort of negative impact on your kids. But the truth is that it’s unlikely you’re perfect, either. All people are a mix of good and bad and parents are no different. A vital lesson I learned was that I could not change my ex and I couldn’t stop her doing things that I personally felt she shouldn’t be doing around my daughter. It may well be the case that her mum feels the same. But all I can control is how I behave around her, and if I do my job correctly then my girl should be well equipped to deal with whatever challenges come her way, be that from her mother or anyone else.
When you are a celebrity are you not classified as a normal human being? Just because you have mastered your art form and have managed to make allot of money from it you somehow don’t have feelings or can have problems?
So, I have been following Ant McPartlin for awhile as I can see how the industry, media and life can take its toll on you over a period of time. Whatever is happening in Ants life we will never really know what it is, only his close friends and family will really know what he is going through. I do not in any way condone what he did driving while drunk/intoxicated but it is clearly a sign of his mental health deterioration. This blog is not only about him but about all celebrities who are going through pressure and stress that sometimes cannot be hidden.
Unfortunately, Ant has been the latest celeb that has been caught in the public eye but what pisses me off is how people are treating him. Yes, we all make mistakes and because he is a celebrity his is not allowed to make any?? Get a grip keyboard warriors as you disgust me, you have nothing better to do than troll people and write disgusting hurtful comments about them. Why do you do this? It’s quite simple you troll because you are lonely and have nothing better to do with your time!
Ant McPartlin is clearly going through allot and I am disappointed with his management, to be honest. Why, as they are his professional minders and should be taking better care of him. Yep, I went there why because I have seen this happen so many times with celebrities. They get used and abused by there management, pr teams and anyone else that can make money off them but who is actually helping and looking them?
Will this happen, probably not as most management companies are more interested in their money as opposed to the celebs welfare. They will only be concerned to a certain extent but if they think you are becoming a problem they seem to move their attention elsewhere. I can’t speak for all management companies but this is the case for most, we all need to start treating all celebs like human beings and with the same level of respect.
We don’t know every celebs past, just because they are on TV/Movies or in the media do we know everything about there past. Exactly, we will never know only dribs and drabs will be filtered through to the media by someone trying to make a quick buck off them.
So, my message to you Ant McPartlin, I don’t know you or your family but I have seen certain information in the media. I can clearly see you have allot going on in your life right now, just because I see you on tv smiling and having a laugh will not show a true reflection of you. My advice to you would take some time off/out of business, speak to a professional and get the help you need. There is no rush to get back to work and you can take some time out for yourself. Surround yourself with people that care about you and that are not just concerned about how much money you can make them!
You only get one life and don’t spend it trying to please other people when you are not happy within yourself. Take a break gather your thoughts and don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are allot more people that care about you than you think. I wish you a speedy recovery and good health.
When you were first born, I was so excited
To see your little face I was so delighted,
I held you in my arms and promised to keep you safe,
I knew in my world I would make you first place
When I first picked you up it brought a tear to my eye,
Deep inside I cried and cried
The joy I had bringing you into this world
I have never felt so proud and some much reward
I watched you grow day by day
When you said you first dada
I just melted I can honestly say
I knew the love I had would never fade away
I went to work and could not wait to get home
To hear the pitta patta of your tiny feet shouting daddy at the door
No matter what day I had I know I loved you more
You brought a smile to my face to which I could not ignore
I knew then what it meant to be a parent
That feeling of love and overwhelment
I have never loved anyone or anything like I have loved you
So this is my poem to let you know, I will never forget you
You might not be here with me now
But you will always be in my heart and memories
One day I hope I can just be a father without the fight
I love you, my babies, as I say goodnight
A part-time father is what we will only ever be
They took away my ideal of being a family can’t you see
The stress and emptiness is a daily occurrence
But they don’t care as long as there is no interference
I will never stop loving you and just wanted you to know
Sometimes it’s just easier in a poem I hope to show
You are and will always be part of me
As when we are together you bring out the best of me
Written by Mark Sheppard (in loving memory of his beautiful babies)