When you were first born, I was so excited
To see your little face I was so delighted,
I held you in my arms and promised to keep you safe,
I knew in my world I would make you first place
When I first picked you up it brought a tear to my eye,
Deep inside I cried and cried
The joy I had bringing you into this world
I have never felt so proud and some much reward
I watched you grow day by day
When you said you first dada
I just melted I can honestly say
I knew the love I had would never fade away
I went to work and could not wait to get home
To hear the pitta patta of your tiny feet shouting daddy at the door
No matter what day I had I know I loved you more
You brought a smile to my face to which I could not ignore
I knew then what it meant to be a parent
That feeling of love and overwhelment
I have never loved anyone or anything like I have loved you
So this is my poem to let you know, I will never forget you
You might not be here with me now
But you will always be in my heart and memories
One day I hope I can just be a father without the fight
I love you, my babies, as I say goodnight
A part-time father is what we will only ever be
They took away my ideal of being a family can’t you see
The stress and emptiness is a daily occurrence
But they don’t care as long as there is no interference
I will never stop loving you and just wanted you to know
Sometimes it’s just easier in a poem I hope to show
You are and will always be part of me
As when we are together you bring out the best of me
Written by Mark Sheppard (in loving memory of his beautiful babies)
So, the questions fathers get asked allot is why do we spend so much time in court? Unfortunately, if you have had a divorce or a breakup even though as a father we have equal parental rights. The courts and the system do not agree with it and the only way a father can seem to see his kids is if he takes his ex-partner to court. We have to pay all the fees, including the maintenance for our children even when they are deliberately being withheld from the father.
As a father being there for your child, being on the birth certificate and everything else we do for our children means nothing in the eyes of the law. Women to this day are still allowed to disappear with your child and use your child as a weapon with no consequences for there actions. Is this fair, of course, it is not but until the law sees this and fathers start fighting back nothing will ever change.
Women are breaking human rights laws by doing this but as no one has challenged it in court nothing has even been done about it. There is a piece of legislation that every human being is protected by in the UK, I would like to say worldwide but it would probably be a lie. It is Article 8 of the Human Rights Act 1998. Under Article 8 protects your right to respect for private and family life, your home and correspondence.
Based on the Article 8, why are so many women breaching this daily and hiding behind government agencies who are assisting in these breaches? It’s because no one has challenged it, most fathers are so tired and stressed they don’t have the fight in them to fight in court. Maybe other man just settle for the fact they will never see their children again and just walk away.
I will never walk away from my children and I don’t think you should either, united we are a lot stronger and divided we will fall. So, don’t settle for anything less than your child and you being in their lives no one can or should take away that basic human right of yours.
Fathers should be allowed to enjoy their kids like the mothers do and not spend his life in court fighting for his basic rights.
When I was young marriage was something you aspired to do with finding someone you can share your life with and grow old with. Over the last decade, it has become a circus for us men, where no matter what we do we will always lose out. The media is constantly printing how much a woman gets from there ex-husbands during a divorce or breakup. This is sending the wrong signals and impressions on marriage.
Men are scared to commit nowadays because if they are successful and get married they can potentially lose it all. This is not the main factor but one of many including they the loss of their children and home in the process. No one goes into marriage thinking about what if we get divorced but men do now as that never used to be the case. Men have become more cautious and demanding that the women they marry sign prenuptial to try to protect themselves. Unfortunately, this can only protect you so far because as soon as you have children that agreement because quite flaky within divorce courts.
I have seen some big high profile divorce court cases recently and these millionaires have lost nearly everything including half of there overall fortune. Baring in mind how long it took them to build it but all it takes is a divorce to wipe half the value of your fortune off you. I have seen that in the UK and not sure what it is like in every other country but I am sure it is similar. When it comes to marriage there are no equal opportunities at all and never will be, unfortunately.
Based on that fact this is why there is a major decline in marriages in the UK and it continues to decline. Did you know in parts of Europe there is a rumour apparently that it is easy to find a rich man in the UK to live off and have kids with! Yep, you heard it right and it’s not only Europe but other parts of the world. This is because allot of the women are pretty but also poor so they need to find a way to not only support themselves but also their families. The UK and US are the prime targets for these women who use online dating as there playground to entice men with money or who will potentially come into money.
I myself have fallen for it and quite a few men I know, there only priority is money and kids as they know that the will be supported by UK law even if they are not from the UK. The sad thing about it is that the UK law supports them and even though us men have lived here all of our lives it means nothing. So, your thinking I am with someone and I really like them should I get married to them. Well, only you can decide that as it is very hard to judge a person’s characteristics nowadays.
All I would say is look for some tell tell signs, do they have a good career? What is there background and family like? What are there friends like? Are they very money orientated? Do they pressure you into having a family shortly of meeting them? Are they secretive about there past? These are just a few examples to think about before you dive into marriage and a family. Just because they are pretty does not mean they are a good person and the same goes for the sex. Don’t get caught up with the physical side of the relationship and base your actions upon that either.
It is very sad as a man we have to be so guarded now about who we meet and what we do with them. If you get caught out like I did it will be life-changing for the wrong reasons, you have been warned. This should also not put you off either as there are some really lovely genuine women out there, unfortunately, they are very hard to find!
Guys, have you not noticed how much negativity there is being a father? If not then you need to start paying attention just because you feel like you’re in a good relationship now does not necessarily mean it will be forever. Men are really bad at multi-tasking when we have a family that seems to be our only focus to make money and look after it. You would think that should be the only thing we have to think about really when you have your own family. Wrong!
I was speaking to some good female friends who stated that every woman when they get into a relationship has a plan b should all fail. The woman wants to know that the man she is with can look after the family financially. I know right, clearly money and status seem to be more important than a loving relationship. So why do we men continue to fall for this? The main reason is we always think that a certain situation will never happen to us.
When we go to work to look after our families we think that our partner at home is doing the wife thing. We don’t expect due to the long hours we work that they could be looking for someone online to build a connection with due to the lack of attention you can physically provide due to your hours and work. I am not saying that every woman does this but a large portion do and most of there social media accounts will prove this.
The sad thing is we seem to allow these women to do it without challenging their behaviour. Women are all empowered recently to challenge a man’s behaviour, so why are we not challenging there’s? It angers me personally that these good fathers are out there working hard to provide for there families. Yet, their partner spends so much time taking selfies with the baby and posting it online like she is a single mother. You might if your lucky catch the one odd photo of the partner somewhere but not really anything to indicate they are in a relationship or married. Have you as a man ever thought that about your partner? Have you challenged the behaviour or have you put it down too that’s just how she is?
Unfortunately, this is probably part of her plan b, to give that impression should all else fail with you she has been able to market herself as a single mother! Yet, she will moan on social media as to why all these men are contacting knowing she is in a relationship or married! Remember these men on the prowl don’t know these women so they look at there social media to make a judgement if they are single or not etc. So men wake up and start taking charge of your family and situation and because you work hard and think you are in love that everything will always be ok.
The media and social media continue to bash men/dads on a daily basis and never really shows anything positive about us. We are not allowed to share a bed with our kids as we will be branded a paedophile, we can’t show affection to our kids because we will be branded a paedophile. This sickens me to my stomach every time I read an article in the media or social media about a father trying to be a father but being branded a paedophile.
We are creating broken families, where our kids don’t know what love is and how to show affection. Why because we as fathers are not allowed to show it and if we do we are branded a paedophile, so we don’t do it as it makes us uncomfortable. Social media and the media are creating an impossible job for us fathers and we need to voice our concerns instead of just sitting down and taking in all of this negativity!
We live a civilised world, so I thought we did until I split from my ex-partner 3 years ago. I am quite vocal when it comes to injustice in any form and especially when it involves me. We all know breakups and divorces are difficult, so why are some ex-partners hell-bent on making it even more difficult than it needs to be.
So, single dads, this is going to be a familiar blog to most of you and I have decided to make a stand for us all. I will not be held ransom by any government organisation or person due to there bitterness and vindictiveness. In 2018 within the UK and the US dads seem to be seen as second-class citizens as soon as they have a child/family. People are always banging on about equal rights, so why is it when it comes to fathers and children this does not apply?
Unfortunately, a few of us men will have fallen for a pretty woman or just a woman in general and would do anything for them. These women and not all women come with a plan and I will say it they may not be from your originating country that you reside. The plan is one of two things, money or to have a child and then get your money. As shallow as this may sound it is becoming the norm for the last decade.
There are countries that may not be a fortunate as to the ones we live in and when they do arrive they have a plan. They are very calculating and callus with how they operate and first and foremost is to find a man with either a good job or wealthy. I have evidence of this due to the person’s behaviour and the things they have said to me which indicates what their true motive was.
You’re sitting there thinking well it’s easy you just don’t get involved with them, errrrrrm WRONG! It does not work like that, think about it if they jump from man to man knowing what they are looking for they pick up techniques and tricks to entice you. So not falling for them is not an option but an advantage to them. Now if you are a good honest man you will tell them everything as you don’t believe they have malicious intent until it’s too late.
It starts with you discussing family life, money and other intimate information which now becomes there ammunition to use against you in future. You’re probably thinking, wow that is a big bold statement and surely that is not every woman’s intention and you would be right. I am not talking about every woman but a select few.
This is the side the government, government organisations and family court don’t see. Domestic Violence/Abuse we men suffer from it as well even if we don’t see it at first and It comes in many forms like Physical, Sexual, Emotional and Economic. Why do women get away with it because women know men don’t really speak about there feelings/emotions to other men or friends. There is a stigma attached to a man being vulnerable when it comes to love and relationships.
It is not a man thing to do to cry, talk about emotions, feel stress, feel vulnerable or get depressed as that would make us less of a man. That is utter rubbish and I want all of you men out there to own it and accept the fact that you are a human being and you will have emotions. This is what leads to men committing suicide, going bankrupt or ending up homeless.
So let’s look at some male suicide figures
Key trends from the Samaritans Suicide Statistics Report 2017
In 2015 there were 6,639 suicides in the UK and Republic of Ireland.
6,188 suicides were registered in the UK and 451 in the Republic of Ireland.
The highest suicide rate in the UK was for men aged 40–44.
The highest suicide rate in the Republic of Ireland was for men aged 25–34 (with an almost identical rate for men aged 45–54).
Male rates remain consistently higher than female suicide rates across the UK and Republic of Ireland – most notably 5 times higher in the Republic of Ireland and around 3 times in the UK.
As you can see from the above figures so many men are losing there lives through suicide than ever before. I am not saying breakups and divorce are the sole triggers but what I am saying is I am sure they are also contributing factors.
Why do so many men turn to bankruptcy? Mainly due to financial strains during breakups, divorces and child court proceedings. So, if we truly lived in an equal right society why is it that men/fathers always lose out when it comes to family life? The main reason is the US and UK have archaic laws that only favour women/mums. Have you not noticed during a breakup that the woman automatically takes the children, why can’t the dad take the children?
The main reason is the legal system does not see a father as equal but as a second class citizen which fully supports the mum being the sole custody parent. The mum is then allowed to disappear with the child no questions asked because they are the mum. By law, they don’t have to disclose there location to the father if they don’t want too.
Let’s flip this on its head, what if the father took the child during breakup would the legal system support him? HELL NO, I can guarantee if the mother called the police and social services saying my ex-partner has taken my child There would be no conversation about you need to hire a family lawyer and go through the courts. It would be, does he have permission no, ok and the hunt will begin for kidnapping against the father for taking the child.
It is because of this and the laws that fathers don’t have there basic human rights met for the right to family life. As soon as we have a breakup, we are already seen as a criminal in the eyes of the law and family courts. Your ex-partner can make up whatever lies she wants to keep those children away from you and she will get full support from the legal system and government agencies.
No one will ever investigate your ex-partner and what claims she has made against you even if she is in the wrong she will always be supported by the system. We men take the brunt of financial strain even though women are always calling for equal rights, so why are they automatically given half of everything we own? Why are men not offered half of everything they own, better yet why don’t both parties walk out with what they put in? Because there is no fair and equal rights system for men that is why!
So, I am calling all fathers to make there stand as United We Stand, Divided We Fall. Hashtag #poh which is for the pursuit of happiness. Whether it is love, relationships, family or for your children we all deserve it and men should not be any different.
When is it ok to be black or a minority?
If you read my blogs you will know I like to discuss topics that most people don’t like to discuss
because it may make them uncomfortable! So is this a reason we should not highlight or
discuss subjects that make us uncomfortable or angry?
Why is it when a black person or another person from a minority highlights blatant racism we are
shouted down or told to shut up and stop complaining. I had a discussion recently explaining to
someone about the blatant racism I have faced nearly all of my life. I was quickly met by, well I
have encountered racism from black and minority people. Its almost like it becomes a competition
as to who has received to most racism. That really angered me, to be honest as I know for a fact
that person has not and will never ever receive the type of racism I have endured.
So, I left the conversation there and decided not to pursue it as this has become a tactic to silence
people and to stop them from highlighting it. The type of racism I have received as a child to what
I receive to this day is completely different. As a child in secondary school you would get called a
n***ger to your face or if you left the class room you would get a swastika drawn on your books.
If you used a particular toilet in the school swastika’s and n***er would start to appear all over the
cubicles. This was not a one off this would be daily, if you then turn around and stick up for
yourself you would be seen as the aggressor.
You would either be given detention or suspended for sticking up for yourself. How has racism
changed in 2017, well it has become more covert in the work place. If you are seen as ambitious
and determined to succeed into promotional roles you will be stopped one way or another. What
I encountered was the lack of support I would receive from experienced staff/senior staff or be
told my applications were not suitable but never given any real feedback as to why not. This
would happen time and time again even when I secretly got senior staff to help me with my
applications to guarantee them. I was still turned down and that was when I knew it was not a
coincidence as to why I am not being given promotional roles.
When you are a minority you try your best not to see things in a negative way and try to ignore
the negative signs. Until one day a colleague who is not a minority says to you this is blatant
racism against you. This is when you have to start looking more and more at these negative signs
and say to yourself something just isn’t right. You will find nine times out of ten the person from the minority will either get bullied out of the job or role. If that
does not work they will end up leaving on the own accord due to lack of opportunities for
What type of racism to I receive in 2017, well the most annoying one for me is when entering a
retail shop. As soon as I walk into the shop the security guards make you feel uncomfortable from
the start by starting at you. I call this racial profiling the person before actually confirming that
the person you are staring at is actually going to steal or commit a crime. Then all of a sudden that
security guard feels the need to follow you around the store for no reason. They will then all of a
sudden need to stand next to you in the store or pretend that they are stacking the shelves. At no
point by you entering that store have you given any indication that you will commit a crime but
due to the colour of your skin you are seen as a criminal.
Another popular one I receive is when women constantly grabbing their handbags when I am
walking behind them. This happens no matter how I am dress suit, jeans or a tracksuit it makes
no difference. If I am walking home and there is a woman walking in front of me she will all of a
sudden cross the road or stop and wait for me to walk past her before continuing. The crossing
the road on is very popular I can actually predict when the person coming towards me will do it.
People may say but who cares if people do these things, I care why because it makes me
uncomfortable as you think because of the colour of my skin that I am automatically a criminal.
To be honest I am tired of it and it has gotten so much worse since the Brexit started. I could go
on forever about the things I have personally endured on a daily basis but this would be the
worlds longest blog.
So when is it ok to be a black person or a minority. These are the type of jobs which will allow
society to accept you. A millionaire or born into money will automatically get excepted in the
wider society or an athlete, actor/actress, doctor, singer, rapper, tv presenter. You would need to
be famous in some way to be seen and nonthreatening for you to be accepted in the wider society.
Will this ever change, probably not and why you may be thinking? Well if you look at the way the
media, movies, charities and other organisations portray black or minority people. Nine times out
of ten we are portrayed as either criminal, gangsters, thugs and poor or some lower class of society.
Every day on TV, Radio or in the newspapers a negative image is portrayed of us. No matter how
many black and minority people do so much positive the negative gets far more coverage and
holds more weight.
Maybe one day it will all change or maybe just maybe I am living in a fantasy world where
everyone is equal and not judged by the colour of their skin or religion.