A Woman’s Hidden Truth #ParentalAlienation
I was sent an article/blog yesterday and when I read it, I said to myself I had to blog about it. I can relate to it so much it was scary and I thought it was worth sharing with the world. I am not saying this is all women because I can assure you it isn’t but there are some women out there that have done this and will continue to do this. It is quite a powerful read and a long one but I recommend it as it will highlight a lot of issues, I believe that need challenging.
I never chose this to be my destiny, unfortunately, I was forced into doing what I do. I will stop when the changes in the Family Justice System is a fair and equal one for all!
The article/letter below was sent to me!
Dear Husband, Are you miserable being married to me? Are you tired of the constant fighting and bickering? Have you thought of divorce? Good news! You can leave! But it won’t be amicable, nor easy. All of the pain you are causing me, you can rest assured that I will inflict on you; although, it will be ten times greater because I will hurt you where you’re most vulnerable—I will hurt you by withholding our children from you. Because you no longer want to share your life with me, I will interpret that as you no longer want to share your life with me and our children. These beautiful creatures we created together are now MY children, and my children only. You’ve lost the right to call them “our” children once you decided to leave me. Make no mistake that I’ll use the children as weapons and pawns to hurt you in every way possible. Your official title might remain “father”, however your role will be demoted to a glorified babysitter, with a few weekend visits, and maybe, if I feel like you’ve earned it, I’ll allow you to take the children to a soccer practice or dance recital. See, because you want to leave me, I’m hurt.
Therefore, I must hurt you. I’ve heard it a million times that our divorce shouldn’t affect the children. But, because I’m so selfish and narcissistic, I can’t leave the children out of our affairs. I will tell them all about our divorce and every way I believe you have wronged me and our family. I will confide in our children many inappropriate details of our conversations. I will often lie and/or spin the intimate details of arguments in hopes the children will not only feel sorry for me, but they will hate you. If my plan works, the children will want to see less and less of you, eventually cutting you out of their lives altogether. I’m bitter and angry that you’ve moved on so in order to help ease my pain, I must have complete control over everything you do with my children. I will dictate when you can see them and which events you may or may not attend. I will share with you information about the children’s lives when I feel it’s appropriate for you to learn. And, if you’re a good little dad, and you don’t piss me off, I’ll allow you to see the children for a few additional hours each week. I’m going to lament to everyone who will listen to me about our divorce because I need attention.
I need people to feel sorry for me and think you’re an asshole. I’ll complain incessantly about how I’m a “single mother doing it all on my own”, even though you’ll still be paying me support and attempting to participate in the children’s lives. It’s best for me that people think I’m a single mom rather than a woman who is single. I’ll get more sympathy and accolades for that title. “Single Mother” is a much more sympathetic (yet impressive) title than “Single Woman with Children”. No, you can’t have a nice home for my children to stay during your “visitation” time. (I refuse to refer to it as parenting time.) I’ll make sure any and every penny you earn comes my way. And, when I see a slight improvement in your living conditions, I’ll interpret that to mean you are making more money so I’ll insist upon going back to court to raise your support payments. I’m entitled to that money because you left me. I want MY children to live in squalor when they come to your home, because my home—once our family home, is the best and I want my children to only have the best when they are here with me!
I find it perfectly acceptable for my children to share a room in a two-bedroom apartment when they are in your care. I want them to be uncomfortable as much as possible so they’ll hate going to your house on the weekends. If you wanted the children to be in a loving home with their own bedrooms, then you shouldn’t have left me in search of your own happiness. Husband, please know that if you leave me, I’ll do everything in my power to keep my children away from you. I’ll lie, cheat, and steal. The best part is that our court system will believe me and side with me in almost every scenario. You will soon learn that the court system is extremely biased against men. It’s an uphill battle and if you try to fight me on any of it, it will cost you thousands of dollars in legal fees. Be advised that if you somehow manage to come out of all of this still looking like an actual “parent” or if I feel that you somehow still have a little bit of control, I’m going to make false allegations so I can obtain a restraining order against you. It’s easy! All I have to do is cry during the hearing with a female judge and claim I’m terrified of you.
I’ll push all of your emotional buttons so that the few times you lose your cool, it will be captured in a text message which I’ll present to a judge. It works every time. And once that restraining order is in place, I’m back in full control and you’ll need to work twice as hard in and out of court to prove you are a good father and decent human being worthy of my children’s time. This restraining order could also destroy your reputation at work and hopefully be a permanent stain on your record. It will more than likely affect your ability to stay gainfully employed therefore making it more difficult to make your child support payments. But, not to worry. You’ll learn how to manage just fine in jail. You see, for me, as a mother, if I cannot provide for MY children, there are plenty of programs that a judge will recommend to help me get back on track. But, if YOU find it difficult to pay child support, you’ll go to JAIL.
Our court system has proven time and time again that you simply don’t matter! Well, your money matters, but you don’t. Because of the national statistics on violence against women, the courts have an agenda. It is to protect women at all costs and not bother to get to the truth. I understand that as I am a woman and must be protected. Men don’t need to be protected because everyone knows men are all bad. Domestic violence against men is non-existent in the eyes of the law. So, I will use that to my advantage to keep you away from my children. Our court system believes that because you’re a male, you cannot possibly be the better parent. I hope you know that if you leave me, it’s going to be an uphill battle every step of the way. I’ll see to that. So, wait, what were we talking about? Oh, that’s right, you wanted a divorce. Are you sure about that now?
~ Your Loving Wife