Our Fatherhood is under threat!

Our Fatherhood is under threat!

We have entered 2019 and I have been monitoring our newspapers and media sources and the story seems to still be the same. All men and fathers are perpetrators and abusers they seem to be focusing on the few and branding all men with the same brush. This narrative is a very dangerous one as the majority of men/fathers are very good and law abiding. Now if you look at demographics if there are more men than women, of course, it would seem like men are to blame for everything!

So, if the tables we turned and there were more women than men it would be exactly the same thing. What if we flipped the script and the media focused on all the bad mums, paedophile women and the women that caused domestic violence? How would the general public, courts and government agencies respond to them? Would it be unbiased or would this form of brainwashing produced by the media influence peoples decisions!

I would think the latter personally and I don’t blame women for behaving the way they do towards men as they can’t get away from it. It is literally forced down your throat as a woman on a daily basis and there is no escape from the DV and DA narrative. I am not taking anything away from the genuine cases at all but not EVERY single man is the same. Even as a woman you are not immune from it as if you have any boys within your family they will be tarnished with the same brush. It might be fine while they are babies and early teens but as soon as they come of age the rules will change.

As a mother you can say all day long I will bring up my son to be different he will not get involved with all the things that the media print. Unfortunately, it does not work like that as you have a son that is all that is needed for him to be tarnished with the same brush. He could be an excellent child and a very good man but at the end of the day, he is still a man. If you don’t believe me read the stories of fathers in family court, monitor the media and see how many stories are focused on men causing DV/DA and how many stories are on women causing DV/DA.

You will see practically none on women and this is for many reasons there is a myth around men not being capable of being in a relationship with DV/DA committed by a woman. If it is a man he will be embarrassed to come forward because of the stigma surrounding it and 9 times out of 10 he will probably be arrested himself for reporting. As it is not the norm for a man to report DV/DA to the police so it is easier to arrest him as the perpetrator and deal with the consequences later. The lack of support and safe havens for men is practically non-existent, so it will, in turn, be under-reported.

Trying to be a father over the last 10 years has gone from bad to worse and if you are a dad in a happy relationship you are still not immune to it. If anything should happen and hopefully it will never happen to you, but if it did you will see how the society you believed to be equal is far from it and your world will be turned upside down. It will be financially, emotionally and mentally put you in a place which you never thought would have been possible.

You will look back at that conversation you had with your partner/ex-partner when she said to you let’s try for a baby and build a family unit. That conversation where you thought it was all equal and you both chose to have that child means absolutely nothing if you should split up. We need to encourage fatherhood and equality to bring our society into the 21st century and remove us from this biased dark ages whereby men as only seen as breadwinners and not caregivers. If we don’t change the script fatherhood will become extinct and there will be kids running around the streets without role models and father figures to balance them out. Being a parent should consist of two loving people wanting the best and doing the best for their children whether they are together or not!

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Not so Merry Christmas!

Not so Merry Christmas!

This is not a sob story or for attention, this is my reality and is the reality of many parents who are alienated or part-time. I use the term part-time because we live in a system/society that supports it and even encourages it. I can’t remember a time I was ever offered to have my child on Christmas Day, why because it’s not in the best interest of the other parent!

As long as I pay child support, pay for birthdays and Christmas its win-win for the other parent. I don’t need to be a real part of my child’s life as long as I keep the money rolling in and presents brought that is my sole purpose. Would the other parent think about my being alone at Xmas, hell no as long as they are not alone that is all that matters!

To be honest I have desensitised myself when it comes to Xmas as it is less painful and stressful. It is easier to pretend it is not happening and to rush through it to be over than to get caught up in it. Friends and family know how difficult this time of year is for me but they just don’t get it they just get upset with you because you are not as reliable or as sociable as you used to be.

When your child refers to you as him or he and not dad or daddy it is hard to hear. Then you get photos and videos of what the other parent is doing with your child and you can only sit by on the sideline and watch. It’s hard and very painful to experience and I hope and pray this never happens to you as it really does change you as a person.

I have never ever the night before Xmas prepared milk, cookies/mince pie and a carrot for Santa! I know it sounds very small but to a parent, it’s those small things that really matter. I don’t get to sit and watch Xmas movies and play games with my children. I don’t get to watch panto’s or nativity play’s of my children nor do I get invited too.

What I do look forward to is a cold empty house with no decorations, no children and watching everyone on social media and TV enjoying or pretending to enjoy Xmas. This is my reality every single year and to be honest it probably won’t change. So, excuse me if I don’t feel sociable or

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Family Justice Review 2011 & Still Nothing Has Changed!

Family Justice Review 2011 & Still Nothing Has Changed!

In November 2011 a Family Justice Review was conducted by Sir David Norgrove. We are at the end of 2018 and parents are still faced with the EXACT same issues and still fighting to be part of their children’s lives! As a parent who is either going through Parental Alienation, False Allegations or custody battles you should be OUTRAGED! Why are these review/reports not conducted on a regular basis to improve the system? Why does it take heartbroken parents to fight on a daily basis to see their children, which long-term can affect both parent and child’s mental health!

A brief snippet of the Norgrove Family Justice Review –

Why change is needed

3. The family justice system deals with the failure of families, of parenting and of
relationships, often involving anger, violence, abuse, drugs and alcohol. The
decisions taken by local authorities and courts have fundamental long term
consequences for children, parents and for society generally.

4. There was general agreement that the legal framework is robust. We should be
proud of this and in particular the core principle that the welfare of the child
should be the paramount consideration in all decisions affecting them.

5. But the family justice system also faces immense stresses and difficulties. Some
apply only in public law or private law but others are more systemic.
Respondents to the consultation shared our deep concern about the way the
system currently operates, and there was widespread agreement about our
diagnosis.

• Cases take far too long. With care and supervision cases now taking on
average 56 weeks (61 weeks in care centres) the life chances of already
damaged children are further undermined by the very system that is
supposed to protect them. And in private law, an average of 32 weeks allows
conflict to become further entrenched and temporary arrangements for the
care of children to become the default.

• The cost both to the taxpayer and often the individual is high. Many
respondents saw a need for increased spending. But we are not convinced
that current resources are spent in the most efficient and effective way.

• Both children and adults are often confused about what is happening to
them. The need to address this will rise with the likely increase in the number
of people who represent themselves in private law cases.

• Organisational structures are complicated and overlapping, with no clear
sense of leadership or accountability. No one looks at the performance of the
system as a whole.

• Individuals and organisations across different parts of the family justice
system too often do not trust each other.

• There is no set of shared objectives to bind agencies and professionals to a
common goal and to support joint working and planning between them.

• Morale can be low and the status of those working in some parts of the
system does not match the levels of skill and commitment.

• Information and IT are wholly inadequate to support effective management
and processes.

None of the above has happened, the only things that may have happened is the renaming of government agencies and changing the titles of some of there policies. Apart from that, we are still in the exact same position 7-8 years down the line. They have identified there is a problem but use the word COMPLEX to increase the time to fix the issues. Whereby in that time we have more people committing suicide and falling ill with mental health problems. No MP’s want to get involved with there constituents the people that VOTED them in but yet choose to ignore them.

Family Justice Review Final Report

Question Time debate on Family Justice Review

This is exactly why Cornerstone Community Alliance was born, people have had enough of seeing the harm to ourselves, our children and grandchildren. We will make the changes necessary to make an equal fair system for all this is not a complex issue but a common sense one! This is why Total Reform is needed and why we the people need to bring it. #TotalReform

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Prenup or not to Prenup that is the question!

Prenup or not to Prenup that is the question!

When It came to dating and marriage I used to believe in the old-fashioned term of love. I used to think love was the only thing you needed to have a successful relationship and family. I actually thought the more love you have for someone and your children nothing could possibly go wrong. Then I woke up and realised my old-fashioned thinking was just that old-fashioned and had no place in 2018.

Why it has no place is because the government wants to and does interfere far too much in family life and it is destroying the traditional family values of marriage and lifelong partners. By creating a hostile family environment the government gets to make money off dysfunction and chaos. Budget cuts, benefits cuts and every other cut you can think of which only really effects the working class and not the rich.

This increases friction within the households squeezing money people don’t have increasing debt and pushing people’s family homes into an unhappy environment. This will inevitably end in separation or divorce, which again the government is quite happy with. If the government truly believed in sustainable families and happy homes there would be no need for our Total Reform campaign. Unfortunately, this is not the case and we will continue to campaign for families rights especially when it comes to our children.

So, over the last week or so I have been having some interesting conversations with men and women about relationships and marriage. The women have seen and experienced what their partners have endured with regards to ex-partners and their children. So I asked them what would be the solution for a man before he gets married or has children. They all said ALL MEN no matter what your circumstances are should all get pre-baby contracts and prenups. Some of you who don’t know can have a look at this link for more information about prenups https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenuptial_agreement

I thought to myself real love has gone everything has to run like a business now because of the way our laws and government treat and acknowledge families in the UK. Then I thought about my personal situation and I can categorically agree with them. If I even thought for a second that my own government would treat me like garbage when it comes to separation and children I would have got a pre-baby contract and prenup without a shadow of a doubt. So to all the men out there all I can say is learn from other peoples mistakes and don’t follow suit.

There is no such thing as just love when building a family unit you need to be able to protect yourself and your future. If you never separate with your current partner happy days but you at least have the insurance policy there should you need it. We as men should think of prenups like insurance policies and not something sinister as some people make them out to be. With an inherent bias system against men and fathers, you have to have that insurance. Take it from the men and fathers who have suffered through this and take note of it and act upon it.

The moral of the story is any relationship, thought of having children and having the consideration of marriage with your current partner you should pay a visit to a family solicitor beforehand. I am not saying this to scare you I am saying this from the experience of thousands if not millions of men/fathers who have suffered from not having it. Due to the family law system and the way we are seen in society, this is our only option for protection. Do not wait until it happens to you and take out that insurance policy now! Yes, it was also women who told me to do this and that speaks volumes.

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Total Reform is Coming are you READY? #TotalReform

Total Reform is Coming are you READY? #TotalReform

The Total Reform campaign was started by the Cornerstone Community Alliance to not only bring awareness but also campaign for real law changes. In 2018 we are still suffering from the same injustices we did two to three decades ago and nothing has changed with regards to balancing the system including meaningful law changes. They talk about equality but do not make the necessary changes to make things equal as having an imbalance within society creates a monetary industry. There are ways to make money as a business yes but not on the misery and pain of others who just want to live normal lives and have the people they care about in there lives.

Cornerstone Community Alliance, CCA, was formed by us, a group of parents, grandparents and organisations of family rights. Together, we campaign for the “best outcomes for our own children, your children and grandchildren”.

This is our campaign

We have partnered with some great campaigners and support groups most recently the Peace Not Pas team. They have an incredible network of support for people experiencing Parental Alienation and the mental health issues that some people experience from it. You can read more here click here

We would really appreciate your support by changing your social media profile pictures to show your support for Total Reform. Remember without your continued support we would not have made it this far and we thank you all for that, we really appreciate it.

We still have a long way to go and we are reaching the right people but now we need to show them we mean business.

Please download one of the two images below to show your support for our campaign and whenever you post on social media with regards to our campaign please use the hashtag #TotalReform

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Parental Alienation Psychological Impact on Children

Parental Alienation Psychological Impact on Children

Parental Alienation Psychological Impact on Children

When we think of Parental Alienation we immediately think of the immediate parents and not the children or siblings to the alienation. As parents, all we try to do is protect the siblings with excuses after excuses as we try to protect them from the psychological effects of losing their sibling.

Sometimes we underestimate the extent of damage caused suddenly when a child is separated from a parent or sibling. While surfing online I found a video I wanted you to see from some researches in the US on the effects of a child being separated from a parent.

Inside the Brains of Children Separated from Parents

From the above video, you can see the effects of a child being separated from a parent has on them. Every day a child is separated from a parent for one reason or another but is it a justified reason or is it orchestrated by a spiteful bitter person. A person who cannot see past their own anger then rather see their child happy with both parents in their lives. Can someone’s anger be so much more important than your child’s mental health and well-being?

A child does not ask to be brought into the world that decision is made by two loving parents at the time and regardless of their personal situation that love should always remain with the child and child’s best interest. Then the poor child is dragged through a system of courts and government agencies that cause more stress and strain by the parents, which in some cases do not have a choice.

If one of the parents decides to move away or disappear with the child to spite the other person, why are they not pursued by the government agencies whereby enforcing contact with the bitter spiteful alienator. Why is it so easy to rip a child from a loving home with siblings and grandparents because one side of the family is upset with the other. The law should be onside of the child and the alienated parent to make sure the long-term effects of another person’s actions do not psychologically damage the child and alienated parent.

To sum up what it feels like as an alienated parent who loses a child that is alive is a constant sense of grief! You grieve every day, you feel hollow and that you are just a shell of a person that is waiting to feel complete. Sleepless nights and stress that feels like your head is going to explode with no escape.

Summed up nicely in this quote

“I’d thought those memories would be the ones I always cherished, but as the days and years passed by, those beautiful memories became my pain.”

I just wanted to end this post with a video of how children feel when they are alienated from a parent.

END OUR SILENCE

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A long way to go for EQUALITY! #TotalReform

A long way to go for EQUALITY! #TotalReform

A long way to go for EQUALITY! #TotalReform

On Tuesday 11th September 2018 the BBC ran a short segment on CAFCASS & Parental Alienation. Although I welcome the airtime highlighting something that fathers have been campaigning for decades on. The BBC did not interview or even feature a father that had suffered or is still suffering Parental Alienation! This is very disappointing and clearly again shows the media bias towards fathers.

Looking at the freedom of information request I have received back from the Child Maintenance Services clearly show the overwhelming statistic that men are categorically the main no resident parent. So if alienation was going to occur it would be against a father and his immediate family. Yet the BBC chose to interview women and also use them for the voice overs on the short piece on Parental Alienation. I am not saying women don’t suffer from it far from it, but during a break up 90% the time the child will stay with the mother.

So, why did the BBC not use any men within the video it’s because we are seen as either less important in a child’s life or aggressive militants. See as a father your not allowed to be seen to be a proactive loving person who wants their children in there lives. We are always seen as the violent perpetrator who should not be around their children and not caring enough to be the main caregiver. This false narrative needs to stop and we are going to put a stop to this media bias against fathers. #TotalReform

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Roxanne Pallett the computer says NO!

Roxanne Pallett the computer says NO!

Roxanne Pallett and Ryan Thomas | Celebrity Big Brother 2018

I am shocked by what I have seen in the media with regards to the false allegations that came from Roxanne Pallett about Ryan Thomas. Firstly, when I heard about it, I immediately thought to myself how could this possibly happen in the Big Brother house with so many cameras. This was obviously before I saw the camera footage of the incident. Some men when they are in a good place and are happy like to play fight it’s almost like a man saying “I am comfortable around you”.

Now, from what I saw in that video that was not even play fighting it was nothing it had no substance to it to even be categorised as anything but harmless flirting. You can see this incident below which had caused such an uproar on social media and other media platforms.

Roxanne Pallett and Ryan Thomas | Celebrity Big Brother 2018

I can honestly say I never blog about things like this but it really upset me, why because men/fathers get false allegations made against them on a regular basis. This can have a detrimental effect on that person career, life in general and mental health. This is unacceptable behaviour and how anyone in their right mind supports false allegations should be reprimanded. I actually feel sorry for Ryan Thomas and all those men who have had false allegations proven and the men that are still fighting for them to be proven.

These sorts of false allegations have been accepted by the media and courts as gospel for so long and in a weird way, I am happy this happened. As it shows that false allegations do exist and that it is becoming a major problem in today’s society against men. I do believe this is not as black and white as it seems as there may be an underlying mental health issue with Roxanne Pallett which has led to this false allegation. As she seems very fragile person and that there may be something bubbling under the surface which needs to be addressed.

Nevertheless, this will have a large psychological effect on Ryan for the rest of his life as something so trivial has been blown out of proportion. Let’s flip the script for a second, what if this happened off camera with no witnesses then what! I tell you what, he would have been found guilty immediately by the press and the media. His career would have been over and on top of that, he would have been arrested for the allegation. The weeks and months of uncertainty again would have had a detrimental effect on him and everyone around him.

This is why it is important that all allegations are investigated properly and thoroughly before it is leaked or released to the media. Below is the public apology Roxanne Pallett made and to right she did as this will still effect Ryan in a way she could never imagine!

Roxanne Pallett apologises to Ryan Thomas

I hope this is a lessoned learned by everyone when it comes to false allegations and what it can do to a person’s life. Let’s hope valuable lessons have been learnt and that false allegations get challenged at every opportunity!

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Broken Home Syndrome

Broken Home Syndrome

Broken Home Syndrome

I was laying in bed thinking about my campaigning and thought to myself, why is the government so unsupportive of equal rights. I am not talking about just fathers but families as well, why are they so opposed it. Then it dawned on me that the broken home market is very profitable for the government and because all the MP’s eat from the same bowl making changes is not an option.

Let’s put this into perspective here, since the conservatives have come into power the homes with low income are being squeezed. This has a knock on effect it will evidently lead to a family breakdown (BHS). Then through the breakdown, they throw in a few government agencies to assist with helping the family to really break down. Cut their benefits to add that bit more pressure, increase taxes and everyday living. Add more pressure to the family slowly but surely someone in that family will crack.

What the government is hoping at this point is for you to start seeking help if you have children and cannot afford to feed them then the government will step in with social services. Once SS is involved the pressure can slowly be applied over a period of time. Then due to the excess pressure, they want you to split up or get a divorce. This will then start the money being pumped into the courts, solicitor firms and government agencies. Then you find you are in a spiralling situation, Child Maintenance Services, CAFCASS and whoever else to get a slice of the pie.

This ultimately ends in broken home syndrome (BHS) whereby they hope once your kids see how is broken home works they will also follow suit. Think about it if the government takes your kids or breaks down family life they are hoping they cycle will continue with your children, so on and so forth. Generations keep the cycle going pumping money into a continuous cycle.

Your thinking well if I have no money how will they make money of me. Easy it is called debt, if you scare or bully someone enough they will find means of paying for things. Court or CMS will be the main bully tactics which people get scared and take out loans to pay for it. It is a vicious cycle they want you to be part of, your sitting there thinking how did I come to this conclusion.

Easy, write to your local MP about equal rights for your family and see if, one they reply or two ignore your letter. If they do reply, see if anything in that letter indicates actually helping you themselves or if you receive a standard robot type reply. I will guarantee that 90% of the MP’s will ignore you and if you are persistent with your letters even block you.

How often do you see in the house of commons anything about fathers rights or family rights? Me personally I have never seen anything or even any press or media coverage of the issue. Our government has no interest in promoting fathers or family rights as it would take out a large chunk or cash cow money from them.

How can you change this? Easy through voting and campaigning, if you want change then you must ask for it. When it is time for local and national elections this is the time to have a voice and demand the change we all deserve!

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Reply from Robert Watling in the form of FOI Request

Reply from Robert Watling in the form of FOI Request

Hello Everyone,

A lot of you know I have been campaigning for a while for fathers & families rights. I have been waiting for a while for a reply to my last letter I sent to Robert Watling. Today I nearly fell of my chair when I received a FOI request through to my email. The letter is self-explanatory with regards to what I was trying to achieve from my questions. I myself have faced some serious issues with Parental Alienation and Child Maintenance being paid to my alienated child whom I don’t have access to not out of choice.

So please read the reply and you will be able to come to your own conclusions as to what is really happening within the Child Maintenance Services and what needs to be done to reform it. I have always believed in a fair system for all, unfortunately from what I have seen in these statistics it is far from fair!

 

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