When It came to dating and marriage I used to believe in the old-fashioned term of love. I used to think love was the only thing you needed to have a successful relationship and family. I actually thought the more love you have for someone and your children nothing could possibly go wrong. Then I woke up and realised my old-fashioned thinking was just that old-fashioned and had no place in 2018.
Why it has no place is because the government wants to and does interfere far too much in family life and it is destroying the traditional family values of marriage and lifelong partners. By creating a hostile family environment the government gets to make money off dysfunction and chaos. Budget cuts, benefits cuts and every other cut you can think of which only really effects the working class and not the rich.
This increases friction within the households squeezing money people don’t have increasing debt and pushing people’s family homes into an unhappy environment. This will inevitably end in separation or divorce, which again the government is quite happy with. If the government truly believed in sustainable families and happy homes there would be no need for our Total Reform campaign. Unfortunately, this is not the case and we will continue to campaign for families rights especially when it comes to our children.
So, over the last week or so I have been having some interesting conversations with men and women about relationships and marriage. The women have seen and experienced what their partners have endured with regards to ex-partners and their children. So I asked them what would be the solution for a man before he gets married or has children. They all said ALL MEN no matter what your circumstances are should all get pre-baby contracts and prenups. Some of you who don’t know can have a look at this link for more information about prenups https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenuptial_agreement
I thought to myself real love has gone everything has to run like a business now because of the way our laws and government treat and acknowledge families in the UK. Then I thought about my personal situation and I can categorically agree with them. If I even thought for a second that my own government would treat me like garbage when it comes to separation and children I would have got a pre-baby contract and prenup without a shadow of a doubt. So to all the men out there all I can say is learn from other peoples mistakes and don’t follow suit.
There is no such thing as just love when building a family unit you need to be able to protect yourself and your future. If you never separate with your current partner happy days but you at least have the insurance policy there should you need it. We as men should think of prenups like insurance policies and not something sinister as some people make them out to be. With an inherent bias system against men and fathers, you have to have that insurance. Take it from the men and fathers who have suffered through this and take note of it and act upon it.
The moral of the story is any relationship, thought of having children and having the consideration of marriage with your current partner you should pay a visit to a family solicitor beforehand. I am not saying this to scare you I am saying this from the experience of thousands if not millions of men/fathers who have suffered from not having it. Due to the family law system and the way we are seen in society, this is our only option for protection. Do not wait until it happens to you and take out that insurance policy now! Yes, it was also women who told me to do this and that speaks volumes.
The Total Reform campaign was started by the Cornerstone Community Alliance to not only bring awareness but also campaign for real law changes. In 2018 we are still suffering from the same injustices we did two to three decades ago and nothing has changed with regards to balancing the system including meaningful law changes. They talk about equality but do not make the necessary changes to make things equal as having an imbalance within society creates a monetary industry. There are ways to make money as a business yes but not on the misery and pain of others who just want to live normal lives and have the people they care about in there lives.
Cornerstone Community Alliance, CCA, was formed by us, a group of parents, grandparents and organisations of family rights. Together, we campaign for the “best outcomes for our own children, your children and grandchildren”.
This is our campaign
We have partnered with some great campaigners and support groups most recently the Peace Not Pas team. They have an incredible network of support for people experiencing Parental Alienation and the mental health issues that some people experience from it. You can read more here click here
We would really appreciate your support by changing your social media profile pictures to show your support for Total Reform. Remember without your continued support we would not have made it this far and we thank you all for that, we really appreciate it.
We still have a long way to go and we are reaching the right people but now we need to show them we mean business.
Please download one of the two images below to show your support for our campaign and whenever you post on social media with regards to our campaign please use the hashtag #TotalReform
Parental Alienation Psychological Impact on Children
When we think of Parental Alienation we immediately think of the immediate parents and not the children or siblings to the alienation. As parents, all we try to do is protect the siblings with excuses after excuses as we try to protect them from the psychological effects of losing their sibling.
Sometimes we underestimate the extent of damage caused suddenly when a child is separated from a parent or sibling. While surfing online I found a video I wanted you to see from some researches in the US on the effects of a child being separated from a parent.
Inside the Brains of Children Separated from Parents
From the above video, you can see the effects of a child being separated from a parent has on them. Every day a child is separated from a parent for one reason or another but is it a justified reason or is it orchestrated by a spiteful bitter person. A person who cannot see past their own anger then rather see their child happy with both parents in their lives. Can someone’s anger be so much more important than your child’s mental health and well-being?
A child does not ask to be brought into the world that decision is made by two loving parents at the time and regardless of their personal situation that love should always remain with the child and child’s best interest. Then the poor child is dragged through a system of courts and government agencies that cause more stress and strain by the parents, which in some cases do not have a choice.
If one of the parents decides to move away or disappear with the child to spite the other person, why are they not pursued by the government agencies whereby enforcing contact with the bitter spiteful alienator. Why is it so easy to rip a child from a loving home with siblings and grandparents because one side of the family is upset with the other. The law should be onside of the child and the alienated parent to make sure the long-term effects of another person’s actions do not psychologically damage the child and alienated parent.
To sum up what it feels like as an alienated parent who loses a child that is alive is a constant sense of grief! You grieve every day, you feel hollow and that you are just a shell of a person that is waiting to feel complete. Sleepless nights and stress that feels like your head is going to explode with no escape.
Summed up nicely in this quote
“I’d thought those memories would be the ones I always cherished, but as the days and years passed by, those beautiful memories became my pain.”
I just wanted to end this post with a video of how children feel when they are alienated from a parent.
On Tuesday 11th September 2018 the BBC ran a short segment on CAFCASS & Parental Alienation. Although I welcome the airtime highlighting something that fathers have been campaigning for decades on. The BBC did not interview or even feature a father that had suffered or is still suffering Parental Alienation! This is very disappointing and clearly again shows the media bias towards fathers.
Looking at the freedom of information request I have received back from the Child Maintenance Services clearly show the overwhelming statistic that men are categorically the main no resident parent. So if alienation was going to occur it would be against a father and his immediate family. Yet the BBC chose to interview women and also use them for the voice overs on the short piece on Parental Alienation. I am not saying women don’t suffer from it far from it, but during a break up 90% the time the child will stay with the mother.
So, why did the BBC not use any men within the video it’s because we are seen as either less important in a child’s life or aggressive militants. See as a father your not allowed to be seen to be a proactive loving person who wants their children in there lives. We are always seen as the violent perpetrator who should not be around their children and not caring enough to be the main caregiver. This false narrative needs to stop and we are going to put a stop to this media bias against fathers. #TotalReform
Roxanne Pallett and Ryan Thomas | Celebrity Big Brother 2018
I am shocked by what I have seen in the media with regards to the false allegations that came from Roxanne Pallett about Ryan Thomas. Firstly, when I heard about it, I immediately thought to myself how could this possibly happen in the Big Brother house with so many cameras. This was obviously before I saw the camera footage of the incident. Some men when they are in a good place and are happy like to play fight it’s almost like a man saying “I am comfortable around you”.
Now, from what I saw in that video that was not even play fighting it was nothing it had no substance to it to even be categorised as anything but harmless flirting. You can see this incident below which had caused such an uproar on social media and other media platforms.
Roxanne Pallett and Ryan Thomas | Celebrity Big Brother 2018
I can honestly say I never blog about things like this but it really upset me, why because men/fathers get false allegations made against them on a regular basis. This can have a detrimental effect on that person career, life in general and mental health. This is unacceptable behaviour and how anyone in their right mind supports false allegations should be reprimanded. I actually feel sorry for Ryan Thomas and all those men who have had false allegations proven and the men that are still fighting for them to be proven.
These sorts of false allegations have been accepted by the media and courts as gospel for so long and in a weird way, I am happy this happened. As it shows that false allegations do exist and that it is becoming a major problem in today’s society against men. I do believe this is not as black and white as it seems as there may be an underlying mental health issue with Roxanne Pallett which has led to this false allegation. As she seems very fragile person and that there may be something bubbling under the surface which needs to be addressed.
Nevertheless, this will have a large psychological effect on Ryan for the rest of his life as something so trivial has been blown out of proportion. Let’s flip the script for a second, what if this happened off camera with no witnesses then what! I tell you what, he would have been found guilty immediately by the press and the media. His career would have been over and on top of that, he would have been arrested for the allegation. The weeks and months of uncertainty again would have had a detrimental effect on him and everyone around him.
This is why it is important that all allegations are investigated properly and thoroughly before it is leaked or released to the media. Below is the public apology Roxanne Pallett made and to right she did as this will still effect Ryan in a way she could never imagine!
Roxanne Pallett apologises to Ryan Thomas
I hope this is a lessoned learned by everyone when it comes to false allegations and what it can do to a person’s life. Let’s hope valuable lessons have been learnt and that false allegations get challenged at every opportunity!
I was laying in bed thinking about my campaigning and thought to myself, why is the government so unsupportive of equal rights. I am not talking about just fathers but families as well, why are they so opposed it. Then it dawned on me that the broken home market is very profitable for the government and because all the MP’s eat from the same bowl making changes is not an option.
Let’s put this into perspective here, since the conservatives have come into power the homes with low income are being squeezed. This has a knock on effect it will evidently lead to a family breakdown (BHS). Then through the breakdown, they throw in a few government agencies to assist with helping the family to really break down. Cut their benefits to add that bit more pressure, increase taxes and everyday living. Add more pressure to the family slowly but surely someone in that family will crack.
What the government is hoping at this point is for you to start seeking help if you have children and cannot afford to feed them then the government will step in with social services. Once SS is involved the pressure can slowly be applied over a period of time. Then due to the excess pressure, they want you to split up or get a divorce. This will then start the money being pumped into the courts, solicitor firms and government agencies. Then you find you are in a spiralling situation, Child Maintenance Services, CAFCASS and whoever else to get a slice of the pie.
This ultimately ends in broken home syndrome (BHS) whereby they hope once your kids see how is broken home works they will also follow suit. Think about it if the government takes your kids or breaks down family life they are hoping they cycle will continue with your children, so on and so forth. Generations keep the cycle going pumping money into a continuous cycle.
Your thinking well if I have no money how will they make money of me. Easy it is called debt, if you scare or bully someone enough they will find means of paying for things. Court or CMS will be the main bully tactics which people get scared and take out loans to pay for it. It is a vicious cycle they want you to be part of, your sitting there thinking how did I come to this conclusion.
Easy, write to your local MP about equal rights for your family and see if, one they reply or two ignore your letter. If they do reply, see if anything in that letter indicates actually helping you themselves or if you receive a standard robot type reply. I will guarantee that 90% of the MP’s will ignore you and if you are persistent with your letters even block you.
How often do you see in the house of commons anything about fathers rights or family rights? Me personally I have never seen anything or even any press or media coverage of the issue. Our government has no interest in promoting fathers or family rights as it would take out a large chunk or cash cow money from them.
How can you change this? Easy through voting and campaigning, if you want change then you must ask for it. When it is time for local and national elections this is the time to have a voice and demand the change we all deserve!
A lot of you know I have been campaigning for a while for fathers & families rights. I have been waiting for a while for a reply to my last letter I sent to Robert Watling. Today I nearly fell of my chair when I received a FOI request through to my email. The letter is self-explanatory with regards to what I was trying to achieve from my questions. I myself have faced some serious issues with Parental Alienation and Child Maintenance being paid to my alienated child whom I don’t have access to not out of choice.
So please read the reply and you will be able to come to your own conclusions as to what is really happening within the Child Maintenance Services and what needs to be done to reform it. I have always believed in a fair system for all, unfortunately from what I have seen in these statistics it is far from fair!
So what is parent alienation syndrome? And who does it?
Parent alienation syndrome
Parental alienation syndrome, a term coined in the id 1980’s by child psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner, occurs when one parent attempts to turn the couple’s children against the other parent. A parent who is angry at the spouse or ex-spouse accomplishes this estrangement by painting a negative picture of the other parent via deprecating comments, blame and false accusations shared with the children. They may also hoard the kids, doing all they can to thwart the other parent’s parenting time.
In my clinical practice, the mother most often has been the alienating parent, turning the children against their Dad. At the same time, I also have had multiple families in which Dad is the toxic parent, poisoning the children against their mother. In general, the alienating parent is the least emotionally healthy, and often the more wealthy (to be able to afford legal challenges).
The sad reality is that parents who poison their children’s natural affection for the other parent are doing serious, even abusive, damage. PT bloggerEdward Kruk, PhD updates the research on this important point:
“A survey taken at the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts’ annual (2014) conference reported 98% agreement “in support of the basic tenet of parental alienation: children can be manipulated by one parent to reject the other parent who does not deserve to be rejected.”
For the child, the biopsychosocial-spiritual effects of parental alienation are devastating. For both the alienated parent and child, the removal and denial of contact in the absence of neglect or abuse constitute cruel and unusual treatment. … . As a form of child maltreatment, parental alienation is a serious child protection matter as it undermines a basic principle of social justice for children: the right to know and be cared for by both of one’s parents.
An alienating parent usually shows narcissistic and also borderline tendencies.
Narcissism is selfishness on steroids. Narcissistic individuals tend to be self-absorbed. Most centrally, they show deficits in ability to listen to others’ differing perspectives. Instead they hyper-focus on what they themselves want, think, feel and believe without taking into consideration others’ desires and ideas.
A narcissistic alienating parent uses the children as weapons, pawns in his/her battle to destroy the other parent. They claim to be protecting the children against the evil other. In fact, by using the children in their perpetual fight to hurt the other parent, they show little capacity for taking into consideration what is in the best interests of the child.
Kids need both parents. They do not however benefit, and indeed are harmed, when one of their parents portrays the other in a relentlessly negative light. They do not need parents who fight their way through divorce and post-divorce. They are harmed when parents put them in the middle of their power battles. They are harmed when a parent uses them to accomplish their own angry agenda, ignoring the needs of the children.
The central element in borderline personality disorder is emotional hyper-reactivity. The excessively intense emotion often gets expressed as anger.
In addition to getting emotionally aroused too often, and too intensely, people with this disorder often have difficulty self-soothing. Their distress thus tends to be longer-lasting than the distress that most people experience. In this regard, they have deficits in emotional resilience, in the ability to recover once they have felt frustrated or disappointed. They become at risk therefore for developing a victim self-image, blaming others for whatever goes wrong—which in turn enables them to victimize others. “I’m a victim so I have a right to victimize you.”
Borderline disorders become evident in the way that an alienating parent twists reality. They offer trumped up accusations against the healthier parent, accusations that actually are projections of how they themselves are. “Your dad is selfish,” says the actual selfish parent. Or “Your mother is crazy,” says the dad who is himself emotionally unhealthy.
Alienating parents typically also engage in another quintessential borderline pattern, a habit that therapists refer to as splitting. They enlist others to join their side in fighting against the supposedly evil other, splitting the family into us against them.
Individuals with borderline personality features get mad when someone of import to them won’t give them what they want—e.g., a spouse who has decided to leave the marriage, generally because the alienating partner was not capable of healthy, loving and collaborative partnership. Their goal then becomes to destroy the other parent’s relationship with the children. They corral in the children to join them in this battle as a fighter for their side. They do all they can to deprive the other parent, their enemy, of being able to continue to be a parent.
Feeling perpetually angry at your spouse or ex-spouse? Anxious about your co-parenting relationship? Depressed about the situation?
Better check out if either of you is involved in trying to turn your children against their other parent. If so, think again.
Do you really want to cause major psychological damage to your off-spring? Change is possible. Go for it. Starting today.
So, we finally have a UK report on “Parental Alienation in the UK” which was organised and prepared by NAAP – National Association of Alienated Parents. This has been a long time coming and long overdue in my eyes so I just wanted to say a big thank you to NAAP for doing this.
I cannot stress enough on how MP’s and Government organisations have buried their heads in the sand and continue to do so. I am ashamed that they will not even reach out to the campaigners and organisations to discuss their concerns and campaigns. So many questions and not enough answers when it comes to reform, remember this MP’s rely on our votes but yet they don’t want to acknowledge or engage. These things will not go unnoticed when campaigning starts for the new elections you cannot ignore the people that vote you in!
Anyway, please find the report below and spread it far and wide to educate and push for reform. This report may have been conducted in the UK but can apply to any country you live it as Parental Alienation has no boundaries.
CCA would like to reach out to campaigners, supporters and professional that have first-hand experience with Parental Alienation & False Allegations. Please join our FB support group and twitter for advice and help FB bit.ly/ccafbsupport Twitter bit.ly/2RhHyTcpic.twitter.com/idp1…
@joannaltx@LauraJade_11 Hi Joanna,
Unfortunately you cannot force anyone to be a parent man or woman. It is their loss at the end of the day as i personally see all children as blessings. All you can do is bring your children up the best way you can with lots of love ❤️